it’s them gays an’ their fancy shoppin’

Noted concerned woman Robert H. Knight spoke out last week about the gathering menance posed to WalMart-loving American families by godless homosexuals and their penchant (pronounced “pen-shan”) for nice things. Knight, who is the Director of the Culture & Family Institute of the conservative organization Concerned Women for America. He writes:

“The homosexuals have enormous influence,” he [Knight] says. “It’s a very artsy city, and everything’s very expensive. That’s one reason families can’t afford to live there anymore. It’s all geared toward either the single life or the two-income adult life without kids.”

How has this post-apocalyptic hell-scape of the American dream come to be? Will no one think of the children?

Apparently, by unfairly refraining from getting knocked up several times before the age of 22, spawning a bunch of kids that they can’t afford, and then marrying a spouse they don’t really love so they can feed the several screaming mouths they’ve created, the gays are engaging in unfair economic competition with normal, Cheez Whiz eating Americans. While the normal folk are signing up for WIC or sending all their money off to Jesus, the gays are reading a bunch of fancy books and getting their fancy educations. Then they partner up and combine their fancy higher median incomes, no portion of which is spent on Go-Gurt, Lunchables, or Ritalin.

Areas with high concentrations of Teh Gay therefore suffer from a nightmarish condition known as “prosperity”, wherein markets are created for nice restaurants, specialty coffees and high-end skin-care products. The gays, with their two-income-no-children “families”, then proceed to mock God by shamelessly indulging in the hedonistic pleasures of their shadow-world of tastefully renovated and/or decorated homes and effective hair- and skin-care products, all of which are known to be leading causes of high quality of life. They further shake their fists in the face of the Almighty by failing to patronize family-friendly establishments such as Taco Bell and CostCo, irresponsibly creating a crisis of civic life. San Francisco is struggling with the lowest concentrations of both screaming toddlers and obnoxious suburban teenagers in the nation.

In other words, these Americans are controlling their personal costs while enhancing and combining their personal incomes so that they can use their earning power to purchase a higher quality of life, which has always been the American way advocated by conservatives, and….oh….wait.

Never mind.

ADDENDUM:

Most of this is bitter sarcasm, as I am not really much of a “lifestyle fag”. I work for a small non-profit organization, and my boyfriend works for a small business. Neither of us makes piles of money, but we have everything we need (and most of what we want). I also think that Media Matters is right to suggest that rising home prices have more to do with the cost of living in San Francisco than anything else. Certainly, San Francisco was very gay long before it was very expensive.

However, I have a problem not just with Knight’s outright heterosexism, but with the underlying insinuation that single lives are dangerous for America. I am bone tired of the tyranny of the womb in this country, this suffocating and saccharine obsession with children and families. The last time I checked, this country didn’t exists to perpetuate the volk, but rather to provide its people with life, liberty, and the freedom to pursue happiness.

Why does everything have to be turned into a teat for someone else’s unweaned offspring to suckle? Would it be so dangerous to provide some space and some respect in this culture for people who choose to dedicate their lives to useful careers or other pursuits besides the hetero “bumpin’ and pumpin’” routine? More to the point, perhaps: are the wingnuts really this resentful that anyone gets to escape the bleak, thick-ankled, slackjawed suburban herds?

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