The Straightest Thing Ever

Here are some things gay people know:

If keeping the floor of your home clean is a major challenge for you – so major, in fact, that it requires a ROBOT to assist you – one of the following things are almost certainly true:

a) Your house is unreasonably large. If you’d bought a smaller McMansion, you’d be able to afford a maid, which is much more fun and useful than a damned robot.

b) Your family is too large. I know the fruit of your loins are all charming and special and agonizingly unique…to you. But if little Joshua and Tyler and Emily and Brianna and Madison and Kayla are so messy that you need robotic assistance, maybe there’s enough of your reproductive specialness in the world. It’s called birth control, check it out.

c) Your family is lazy, and needs to get the fuckin’ lead out and help you for once. For further information, rent the film “Mommie Dearest”. Watch, rewind, repeat. You’ll understand eventually, Christina.

d) Your family is dirty. Despite what you see on commercials for household cleaning products, it is not okay for your screaming brats to just run through the house, tracking mud (and probably dog shit) all over your tacky off-white wall-to-wall carpeting. For suggestions, see “C” above.

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