Texas Republicans Win on Platform of Strong Defense For Hetero Cornholes

I’m sure you’ll all be shocked to learn that nearly 3 out of 4 Texans voted to amend the state constitution to ensure that them there gays cain’t go a-marryin’. Never you mind that Texas already had a “Defense of Marriage” law on the books, or that that law has never been challenged, or that gay marriage hasn’t even been legal in Texas, or that no one had really even broached the issue. In his tireless crusade to protect Texans from the burden of noticing that he both he and the GOP-dominated state legislature have totally and utterly failed to get the state budget in hand or find a way to fairly fund Texas schools, Texas Governor Rick “How’s My Hair?” Perry mounted an energetic campaign in favor of Proposition 2.

So now this marriage (his 2nd, her 4th, she’s his niece*) is saved from all those queers trying to get in his hot pants, thereby DESTROYING THEIR SACRED MARRIAGE!

*I actually know nothing about these people; I found this picture by googling “hillbilly couple”.


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