First Annual “Suck My Candy Cane, Bill O’Reilly!” Holiday Bake-Off!!

Okay, as near as I can tell, here’s what’s been decided:

The judges are

  • Uncanny Canadian
  • Adorable Girlfriend
  • Lance Mannion
  • Pinko “I suck it” Punko
  • Pop Renaissance
  • Jedmunds
  • Geenie Cola if she doesn’t decide to enter, which she needs to make up her freakin’ mind already.

If you want to enter the contest, you must do all of the following:

  1. Bake something. Although this was originally about holiday cookies, the Pastry Diversity Police whined so much that now you can apparently enter any baked good, though it must be sweet. I’m arbitrarily drawing the line at savory baked goods. Full-on bread-baking is a whole different contest, and one which I would almost certainly not win, so we’ll have to do that for whatever Secular Humanist replacement we come up with for Easter. Also, wedding cakes featuring military aircraft are specifically disallowed.
  2. Email each of the chumpmuffins judges listed above and obtain their home addresses.
  3. Ship a representative sample of your baked goods to the cobnuggets judges; method of shipping is up to you, but the packages need to arrive at their destinations by the 23rd.
  4. Judges are instructed to judge entries only on their intrinsic merits (taste, appearance, creativity, etc.), and not on the wadded up $20 bills that Blue Girl will use for packing fill in a pathetic attempt to subvert the Holiday Spirit and buy out the bake-off.
  5. If judges have any serious food allergies or dietary prohibitions, please let me know, and I’ll do my best to post notice of that here. So far, the only one I’m aware of is Pop Renaissance, who is a vegetarian, and so will not eat anything containing lard, but who is presumably okay with things containing butter, eggs, milk, etc.
  6. Each judge will award a prize to her or his personal favorite; this prize need not be huge, but should be creative.
  7. The judges will come to a consensus on a single overall contest winner, who will be awarded a fat wad of cash and/or piles of pirate gold, to be contributed by the judges.
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