No use for Organic Chemists

AG works with this total nutcase.  Case-in-point:

 A Ph.D. from the Chemistry group came to AG’s office area today.  Let us begin with his name.  To protect him, we won’t reveal it.  Suffice to say, his name is amusing.  His first name is the same as his last name with an ‘s’ at the end., i.e. Peter Peters or Walter Walters. This amuses AG to no end.  He has one of those names that can be shortened. So, AG calls him something like “Dr. Ben Ben”. 

 This guy graduated from a mediocre institution.  Fine, he wasn’t Harvard, Columbia or Yale material.  Not everyone can be that, but some professional presentation should have been conveyed to him. It’s not like this  company is going to teach it after AG had to discuss with her manager, the cobag CEO calling her patients “fat ladies”. Ben is about 36 years-old and apparently married.  He is a total mess.  The wife deserves a medal, along with his former doctoral advisor.

To begin, he’ll give his opinion on anything and everything, whether asked for it or not.  He also thinks because he is one of the longest employees in the organization, he can use it for leverage.  Right, because Corporate America is a meritocracy.  It’s not who you know honey, it’s who you blow.  Seriously, this man has a Ph.D.? 

He recently wanted a conference room that a colleague of AG uses every Monday morning for project managment meetings.  The meeting is hosted by the CEO of the company. Thus, he was denied usage for his meeting. He said to an adminstrative assistant he should get the room because he has worked here the longest.  To which AG replied when the gossip circulated back, “Priority over employment status, MoFo.  CEO over little Chemist.  (The CEO is a Harvard trained M.D.) So, M.D. trump Ph.D.  Shut the f#ck up!”  Snap! AG is from the tri-state area. (Gavin M. can back AG up on Joisey girls here).   AG don’t play…

Jumping back to today, Ben Ben shows up with his hair tossed around like a milkshake.  The twinkie temp asked him if he was “OK”.  That led to a 20 minute conversation.  Whe he came back to, he yammered on about how he needed some batch records. She informed him that he would need to see another department staffer.  He went off:  “I need it today. I need it now.”  Then he started demanding she call the other staffer.  Cowboy is seriously needing a whooping now…

AG sitting in her office watching the whole scene go down like a bad crack deal was like, “First, you are in the wrong department.  Second, your failure to plan, does not result in anyone else’s emergency.  Yesteray, you needed stuff STAT. And it was addressed STAT. You appear on a regular basis demanding you need things STAT.  Therefore, either you need to attend some time managment courses or you are just being unprofessional in an effort to get your way.  Either way, it’s unbecoming of a staff member at your level. Especially with how much time you have put in with the organization. Should you have any further questions, feel free to discuss them with the CEO or Human Resources and ask them to call me with any concerns.”  And since then, he has not been seen in this location.

 And that dear friends, is handing a Ph.D. his ass.  If you cannot control the three P’s: power, penis and Ph.D., don’t come knocking at AG’s door.  M.D. trump Ph.D.!


24 Responses to “No use for Organic Chemists”

  1. fulsome Says:

    I just gotta say, fuck M.D.s and their call me Doctor Bullshit.

    Also, I am NOT from the East Coast so I also say: fuck you Ivy League. I could give a rat’s ass where you fucking went to school. I just fucking want to know if you have a fucking brain.

    P.S. I’m n ot trying to deny the worthiness of your rant-able situation. I just needed a mini-rant myself.

  2. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Fulsome, love button! It’s kewl. We aren’t saying M.D.s are great or Ph.D.s are bad. Just that Dr. Benney Ben needs to STF up!

  3. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    I agree with Fulsome about everything he said. Your Dr. Benny Ben is a chumpwad and it’s just coincidence what degree and education he happens to have. I have the same three P’s as your miserable friend there, and I hope that I can still come knocking at your door ….

  4. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Schmoopies, you don’t have any power, what are you talking about?! 🙂 And you are from the East and have an Ivy degree, so all you got is a girlfriend who adores you and two of your Ps.

    Good grief, AG cannot make fun of someone without everyone going all postal? And AG ranked on Dr. Harvard too. You missed the point of the rant. Where were you guys and your angst when Pinko banned me form

    Now have one of those .25 cent candy bars your very adorable girlfriend bought you the other day, UC and cool those jets. Fulsome, I’ll send you a .25 cent Take-5 Bar that was on mega sale this week at the supermarket.

  5. Brando Says:

    AG, I was hoping you would reveal the chumpwad in question was Dr. William Carlos Williams. “So much depends upon / you getting me / the batch records / STAT.”

    And I think we could solve America’s crack problem with quarter Take-5 bars. They would still be addicts and die from heart disease, but at least they would be employable and not have to blow strangers for drug money. I myself can’t buy them any more because I can’t control my Take 5 intake.

  6. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    There is little that is more insidious and dangerous to culture than the 0.25 cent Take-5 bar. I had one yesterday and I would have another one now if I could. In fact, the only thing that prevents me from buying a gross of them and becoming a 300 pound vegetable is the fact that I can’t tear myself away from following the Canadian hockey and curling teams. Go Canada!!!!!!

  7. madamerouge Says:

    Jersey in da house! Bring it!

    Did you really tell him off like that? I love it!

  8. Comment Watch at Three Bulls! Says:

    […] AG rants hilarious, if needing of an editor, here, but Brando takes the cake in comments here. […]

  9. mdhatter Says:


    I’m an organic chemist!

    AG, (to a chemist, Ag is silver), did you ACTUALLY say that to him? I [expletive deleted]* hope so. I too have found the internet an amazing place to sharpen my tongue, well said.


  10. Gregor Samsa Says:

    I have a MS and a PE but no PhD or MD where does that put me in the hierarchy? Plus I went to a mediocre state university but boy did I ever have a good time!!

  11. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Brando, not even close love!

    UC: You’ll never be a veggie because you walk everywhere. And if you were, I’d still love you. You are my perfect little Schmoopies on the inside and outside is just bonus. (Sorry for the mushy fridge note, folks).

    MDH: Self censorship? This ain’t no lame MoFo 3B! O chemist? Are you Ben E. Ben?

    MR: I am so digging that you love the Jersey girls. It was such a cult when I was growing up. I am so glad I got away. In person, I never admit being from there. Owning a home in NY saves me from having to talk about the wretched days of eNJoy!

    Gregor: It makes you rock in my book. People who walk around the office with degrees they cannot back up are just wrong. It was never really about his degree, it’s more about the fact that a grown man should not act like that. It’s lame.

    All: Whether it’s true or not, does not matter. What matters is that you got a chuckle out of what I have to call my life!

  12. almostinfamous Says:

    hey! you possibly know one of my roommates!

  13. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Who knows one of your roomates?

  14. blue girl Says:

    AG, I loved how you told him the whole “STAT” business! Good one!

    i work from home, so I don’t have any crappola that I have to put up with — at the same time, I miss being around people…I used to work with a great bunch of people at my last job 8 years ago. Hence, I blog.

    But, listen to this one — we have a pretty big client and did a job for this one girl in the marketing dept. a few months back. She was a sweetheart, but didn’t really know much about her *new* position — so I helped her along the way and it all got done like everything gets done even though people are freaking for no reason during the entire process.

    She called me out of the blue yesterday to tell me she quit. And she said that her boss (another girl I had worked with there) — gave her a bad review — and in the review told her that I HAD CALLED HER AND TOLD HER THAT SHE WAS VERY UNEDUCATED AND NOT GOOD AT HER JOB AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

    Which was a total, freaking lie. A total lie. She totally lied about me so that she could make her point and give this girl a bad review.

    Oy. That really burned my butt.

  15. almostinfamous Says:

    apart from the same first and last name, my ex-roomie behaved a lot like ben^2. so i was referring to you. sorry if i was being obtuse

  16. Yosef Says:

    Gregor Samsa
    Feb 23rd, 2006 at 1:14 am

    I have a MS and a PE but no PhD or MD where does that put me in the hierarchy? Plus I went to a mediocre state university but boy did I ever have a good time!!

    I have a B.A. in Spanish. I actually got to use my Spanish at my 2nd job out of college, too! Haven’t used it in a long time, though.

    Ah, I see we all love the corporate world. You should know that every company out there has at least 1 Dr. Ben Ben.

  17. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    We love the Ben E. Bens of the world. They make life just that more fun.

  18. YJA Says:

    ummmm…you’re scary and mean. (just like MMe. Rouge)

    I gots no fancy unavercity edumakation but i does just fine (I think its cause of ma good hair).
    I can’t be pretty and smart!

  19. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    YJA calling me mean? Pot…kettle. 🙂

  20. Chuckles Says:

    Someone said my name?

  21. daveminnj Says:

    that was great- but next time, set up a web-cam and
    broadcast it on your web-site. why should You get all
    the fun?

  22. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Oh yes, lots of fun.

  23. jade Says:

    Filming classic moments? Speaking of missed opportunities…

  24. Free Says:

    Sexy cam babes, free live chat…

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