Why the Oscars Sucked This Year

I love Jon Stewart on The Daily Show, but his opening monologue left me bored bored bored.  I don’t think that I even laughed once, though the montage of cowboy films was kind of cute.  So were some of the Oscar campaign clips, and he did seem more comfortable as the evening went on.  My best presenters of the evening award goes to Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep…for me, they were the best thing about the telecast.

And what was up with all the montages this year?  The one montage about “epics” where the whole thought behind it was that “going to the movies is good and watching movies at home is bad” was laughable.  The minute that they start having showings where kids and teenagers aren’t allowed in and they put in anti-cell phone devices, I’ll quit renting movies.  And shame on the Academy for not taking the time to add Don Knotts to the “In Memoriam” montage.  It’s been a week and they should have taken the time to add him and others.

Don’t the Oscar nominees deserve to get their awards from actual movie stars?  Jennifer Garner and Jessica Alba….both strictly “B-List” if that.  If ya’ll didn’t look halfway decent in dresses, you wouldn’t be up on stage. 

It’s Hard to Be a Pimp winning was awesome.  Same with March of the Penguins.

Also, next year (and I don’t care how gay this is), but I’m going to Hollywood to go and dress some of these people up.  Naomi Watts should be grateful that PETA didn’t attack her for wearing an ostrich on the front of her gown.  Reese…if you know that you’re the front-runner for best actress, you need to get some serious bling and possibly forehead reduction surgery.  What was going on with your makeup, J.Lo?  Did your husband beat you before the ceremony?  It looked like you caked it on.  Liked your jewelry Dolly, and because I love you, we’ll leave it at that.  Salma Hayek…loved that color on you, but what was going on with the shoulder straps that you and everyone else had going on this year?  And thank you for actually taking the time to style your hair instead of wearing it down all “Wicked Witch of the West” style.  Loved Michelle Williams necklace, love her husband.  Not sure about the dress, but it didn’t totally suck.  I didn’t see everyone walking along the red carpet, so right now, my award for best dressed woman is going to Sandra Bullock.

For the men, well, Jake Gyllenhaal, Eric Bana and George Clooney…YUM.  Best dressed guy goes to Ludacris though.

Now…in regards to the actual awards, I haven’t seen all of the movies.  Obviously, I’m going to have to check out Crash and Syriana now, but I have no interest in Capote.  Having to listen to Phillip Seymour Hoffman talk like that for 2 hours would have me ready to throttle someone.  I saw Walk the Line last night, and The Constant Gardener today, and from my perspective, it seemed like Rachel Weisz and Reese Witherspoon should have switched categories.  Weisz’s role in TCG seemed like much more of a lead role to me than Witherspoon’s turn as June Carter Cash.  Was very happy that Brokeback Mountain won for best adapted screenplay and original score.  Ang Lee’s direction of Brokeback was beautiful and the win was well-deserved, but it would have been nice if he’d acknowledged his actors in his acceptance speech.

But overall, I’m just not impressed with the the ceremony this year.  None of the acceptance speeches were memorable.  The montages were boring.  The star power of the presenters was lacking.  There wasn’t any glitz or glamour in the dresses. 

Here’s hoping next year’s ceremony is more enjoyable to watch.



17 Responses to “Why the Oscars Sucked This Year”

  1. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    The whole thing was tragic.


  2. blue girl Says:

    I thought the dresses were off-the-rack bridemaid’s dresses from the 80s. Very disappointing.

    But, I am now in love with George Clooney. Which I never was before.

    And I also love the guy who won for Best Foreign Film. I loved his passion!

    And I liked Reese Witherspoon’s speech. While her forehead was quite flat and her one eyebrow kept doing some weird things to make her forehead seem flatter, I still got a kick out of her. Her dress was not up to snuff, though.

    And what’s with seating Jack Nicholson next to Kiera Knightley? He’s 980 years old and she’s 6 months old.

    Overall the show was flat, much like Reese’s forehead.

  3. madamerouge Says:

    Is everyone over here having a bad morning? (I mean I am, but that’s because I’m hungover.) I can’t believe y’all are making fun of Reese Witherspoon’s physical appearance. For a blog that has such a liberal, forward-thinking team and readership, I find this high-school level of cattiness disheartening. What’s next? Making fun of Ziyi Zhang’s eyes or black hair?

    As for the song from Hustle and Flow winning, I’m siding with Jon Stewart on this one: I think it’s preposterous that a song honouring a male culture of exploiting women for money (pimping) is Oscar-worthy, and Martin Scorcese has yet to win an Academy Award.

  4. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    No, we’re going to start ripping on Canadians and weird hair people from Bali next.

    Lucky bastard being hungover!

  5. blue girl Says:

    It’s perfectly acceptable to judge people who are only at a show to be judged!! Our sort of judgment may not fall within the strict boundries of the Rules Of The Academy. But, we’re rebels. We make up our own rules. Plus, they’d judge us in a heartbeat. No doubt.

    Plus I said I loved Reese.

    And I said I loved George Clooney.

    I’m not sure who Ziyi Zhang even is. But if I was feeling especially immature, I’m sure I could think of something to make fun of!

  6. midniter Says:

    Ziyi Zhang, formerly Zhang Ziyi before she Americanized her name, is one of my favorite movie stars. She’s been in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, House of Flying Daggers, Hero, and Memoirs of a Geisha.

    Re: The Forehead. It was late, I was feeling catty, and watching Walk the Line, I just kept seeing lots of forehead, which wasn’t helped by a less than flattering hairstyle. Besides, I pick on everyone, myself included. Her dress totally wasn’t appropriate for someone in the category of best actress though. Sharon Stone, in her Gap shirt, did more to project a sense of glamour than most of these ladies did this year.

    Blue…you’re so right on about where they got the dresses.

  7. teh l4m3 Says:

    I agree. How dare you make fun of Reese’s sixhead?

    Zhang Ziyi, on the other hand… I don’t trust her. Too inscrutable. She was lookin’ kinda slanty.

  8. Chuckles Says:

    I bet she’d kick the shit out of me after we had relations.

  9. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    I just finished watching the Oscars the only reasonable way I know – using the search button on the VCR remote a lot. I thought Jon Stewart did an admirable job. Some of his jokes even hit, but he just looked uncomfortable and the room was easily too big for him. Still his Jew jokes did make me laugh. I just have to say that I thought Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin were fantastic. What a great tribute to Robert Altman having them both do their schticks with overlapping dialogues. I was highly pissed off about Crash winning best picture, but really the movie that I thought was robbed was Murderball for Best Documentary. It was probably the best documentary I have ever seen, and easily coudl have been a contender for best movie of the year. Penguins was good, but lacked the humanity of, well humans.

  10. midniter Says:

    What was Murderball about? I wish someone had made a comment about “And Tango Makes Three”…it would’ve been perfect with the penguins and gay themes all being there at the same time last night.

  11. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    Murderball was about the sport of quadrapalegic rugby and some of the interesting personalities in the sport. It was so great. Very touching and funny and brutally honest.

    How about Jennifer Garner almost tripping and falling on her face there? That could have been an Oscar highlight for the ages.

  12. blue girl Says:

    UC: I thought Jennifer Garner handled that so well by saying “I do my own stunts!” —

    I would be HORRIFIED!!!! to trip like that! But, I probably would. I can be clumsy.

    Wonder if she felt bad the whole evening cuz of that. Her dress was too long — that’s why she tripped.

    I think she’s beautiful!

  13. midniter Says:

    That does sound pretty brutal. Even moreso than dealing with the suburbanites at Tuesday Morning fighting over the $69.99 Cuisinart Coffee Grinder/Maker this morning.

  14. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    UC: Someone tripping isn’t funny. Now wash your mouth out with soap and behave. (See the Torah, page 12).

  15. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    It’s not that I wanted her to fall, but it was kind of ironic given that, like BG mentioned, the dress was far too long, and really did not fit her in a particularly flattering way. You could see before the stumble how uncomfortable she was walking in it. I think anyone that sacrifices that much practicality for fashion deserves a little pie in the face, just once in a while.

  16. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    “I think anyone that sacrifices that much practicality for fashion deserves a little pie in the face, just once in a while.”

    This coming from a man who thinks flannel is a fashion statement and denim shirts are permissable on weekends in city bars.

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