Archive for April, 2006

Meme Sunday, continuted.

April 30, 2006

The original instructions for these meme are as follows:

Book Meme!
1. Copy & paste.
2. Bold the ones you’ve read.
3. Add four recent reads to the end.
4. Tag!

Robust McManlyPants, over-acheiving as usual, suggested the following extensions to the base system:

* italicised, but not bold = a book I want to read but haven’t yet
* italicised and bold = a book I’m currently reading
* bold and struck through = a book I tried to read and have formally abandoned out of disinterest
* purple and bold = a book I have read and is a favorite
* purple, bold and italicised = a book I have read and love so much that it’s always “current” reading

Dear Reader, there is no “purple” button on the WordPress WYSIWYG editor, and I think we all know that I’m way too lazy to code that shit manually.

Anyway, here it is.  I hope everyone is as disturbed as I am about the relative preponderance of Dan Brown’s works in this list.

The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy – Douglas Adams

The Great Gatsby – F.Scott Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee

The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter 6) – J.K. Rowling
Life of Pi – Yann Martel
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story – George Orwell
Catch-22 – Joseph Heller
The Hobbit – J. R. R. Tolkien

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies – William Golding
Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
1984 – George Orwell

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3) – J.K. Rowling
One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Book 4) – J.K. Rowling
The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter 5) – J.K. Rowling
Slaughterhouse 5 – Kurt Vonnegut

Angels and Demons – Dan Brown
Fight Club – Chuck Palahniuk
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Book 1) – J.K. Rowling
Neuromancer – William Gibson
Cryptonomicon – Neal Stephenson
The Secret History – Donna Tartt
A Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Book 2) – J.K. Rowling
Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
Brave New World – Aldous Huxley

American Gods – Neil Gaiman
Ender’s Game (The Ender Saga) – Orson Scott Card
Snow Crash – Neal Stephenson
A Prayer for Owen Meany – John Irving
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis

Middlesex – Jeffrey Eugenides
Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
The Lord of the Rings – J. R. R. Tolkien
Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte

Good Omens – Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman
Atonement – Ian McEwan
The Shadow Of The Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Old Man and the Sea – Ernest Hemingway
The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood

The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
Dune – Frank Herbert
The Unberable Lightness of Being – Milan Kundera
Hey Nostradamus! – Douglas Coupland
The Nature of Blood – Caryl Phillips
Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules – Ed. David Sedaris
The Last Continent – Terry Pratchett
The Book of Skulls – Robert Silverberg
The Beekeeper’s Apprentice – Laurie R. King
Persepolis 2 – Marjane Satrapi
The Sound & The Fury – William Faulkner
A Wild Sheep Chase – Haruki Murakami
The Bridge of Birds – Barry Hughart
Foundation – Isaac Asimov

My Four Additions:

The Fabric of the Cosmos – Brian Green
Philosophy & Social Hope – Richard Rorty
The Long Emergency – James Howard Kunstler
The Jesus Incident – Frank Herbert and Bill Ransom

One additional addition:

If you have read Jane Eyre, you HAVE to read The Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys.

Tags:

I’m not that kind of a bastard, but if Blue Girl feels so inclined, I’d be interested to see her responses.

“Meme of All Up In My Shit”

April 30, 2006

This came from Shakespeare’s Sister.  I started it, and then realized that is was only slightly less invasive than a colonoscopy.  Enjoy!

Accent: Texans think I sound Midwestern.  Midwesterners think I sound Texan.  The latter are probably more correct at this point, since I’ve lived in south Texas for 17 years now, but I don’t think I have much of an accent.  Of course, who does?

Booze: I don’t drink, but when I did it was Absolut Citron and tonic with a slice of lemon. And an eight-ball.  And a side of rehab.

Chore I Hate: Cleaning the bathroom.  Was anything ever more disgusting?

Dog or Cat: Dig both, but currently own one fat and bossy cat.

Essential Electronics: SideKick, laptop, 300GB external USB hard drive.

Favorite Cologne: L’Eau d’Issey Homme, Clinique Happy for Men.  But I very rarely wear any cologne.

Gold or Silver: Umm, hello, platinum.

Hometown: I was born in Joplin, Missouri and grew up in Great Bend, Kansas, but San Antonio is my home town.

Insomnia: I don’t need no stinkin’ sleep!

Job Title: By day: Information Systems Manager; by night: Masked Avenger!

Kids: I’ll stick with plants and the cat, thanks.

Living Arrangements: Apartment, boyfriend, cat.

Most Admirable Traits: Analytical ability, love of learning.

Number of Sexual Partners: Christ, who wrote this?  I’m not going to list an actual “number” because I don’t actually “remember”.  See “Absolut Citron and Tonic”, above.

Overnight Hospital Stays: I have had the good fortune to have stayed out of the hospital since that one time I broke my leg at a roller-skating party when I was 13.

Phobias: The dentist.  The cops (old habits die hard).

Quote: “What the hell is the matter with people?!”

Religion: Episcopal Church, Cthulhu Cult.

Siblings: One younger brother, one older step-brother.

Time I Wake Up: Ideally, around noon or 1.  Unfortunately, The Man keeps his boot on my neck by forcing me to “work”, so it’s more like 6AM.

Unusual Talent or Skill: When I was younger and more flexible, I could….oh never mind.  I have many talents, but I don’t really think any of them are that unusual.

Vegetable I Love: I like most of them.  Lately, I’m loving asparagus and sugar-snap peas.  Soon, it will be time to pan-fry some summer squash!

Worst Habit: Tendency to expect the worst.  Tendency to be overly critical.

X-Rays: Yes, they are real.

Yummy Foods I Make: I’m a pretty good cook, if I do say so myself.  Friday’s dinner: lasagna (made the sauce from scratch with Italian sausage, red wine, and herbs I grew myself), a salad of baby spinach and arugula with a vinaigrette I whipped up from balsamic vinegar, extra-virgin olive oil, shallots, a little sea salt and freshly cracked black pepper, and some more of the aforementioned herbs-I-grew-myself.

Zodiac Sign: Pisces, and a fairly typical one at that.

Happy Birthday Teh, Teh!

April 28, 2006

Just a little something for our little teh, teh!  Hope you get your hands on some knob action this weekend.

Another Gem

April 27, 2006

 

There is this guy who has responded to both personal ads in the experiment on Craig’s List.  There were two e-mails this time and one last time. 

He actually might be the guy who for at least the past six months re-posts his ad every week.  See that guy’s ad here. The sad part is that the guy is fairly decent looking.  He doesn’t repulse AG. Or atleast the photo in the post looks decent.  What is going on there is beyond AG.  Either it’s his OCD or the photo is not him and well, most women don’t really want a man who looks like Ozzie O.

Whatever is the case, the three-time-e-mail-responder guy sent this little nugget today via email:

Your post sounds like the Boy Scout oath

Reproductive Losses

April 27, 2006

The Alan Guttmacher Institute, a non profit organization recently ranked states by their access to emergency contraception.  The three best were California, Washington and New Mexico.  Several blue states such as Maine, New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, Illinois, Hawaii and reds like, Alaska, Hawaii, Texas and South Caroline are the other six states that were ranked as “good”.  The remaining states were all ranked as “poor” access states.  Nice job “liberal” Massachusetts and Connecticut! We didn’t expect much from Pennsyltuckey or Minnesota and we’re glad to see that politics are as usual in those states.

 

How many more years is it going to take to get this right?  How many more years are women going to tolerate the patriarchy and the old white men whose laws are all over our bodies? 

I Heart Craig’s List

April 26, 2006

 

  

Part of the experiment is trolling Craig’s List for ads by loser men.  AG always starts with the Jewish men first. This little gem was posted in the SJM section today:

Old world at heart yet urban, modern, and forward thinking. Crazy into cooking, wine collecting, and learning new things. If a dish can be prepared “the hard way”, that is the default for me. If you can appreciate someone who cures there own meats and grinds their own spices every meal, you may get where I am coming from. Generally laid and engaging with an irreverent Jewish sarcasm and quick whit of a Vaudevillian. I work totally around Indians, and there are no women on my floor. I like to go out, but I also want to get up at a reasonable time on the weekends. I am IT consultant with solid job and financially good. I have little desire to chase women around like was 25 at a bar.

I am looking for more of a woman than girl, no Boston attitude and willing to take risks on relationships and life. There’s no pretence to me and my intentions with any woman is sincere. I am done just hooking up with this girl that girl… She should be someone looking for something real and have honest expectations in life. She should have decent figure and be vixen in bed. Sexual compatibility is extremely important, as our general karma. Not looking for a one night thing.

Now, you have to go to the Craig’s List link above and see the picture he posted with the ad.  Not only would AG not sleep with this guy or anyone who looks like him, AG wouldn’t even ask UC to piss down his lungs if his throat was on fire.  Not only is he NOT a mensch, his mother was clearly not good at doing what Jewish Mommas do so well.

Just another reason to avoid straight men…

Just One More Reason to Become a Lesbian

April 25, 2006

 

  

AG has been conducting an experiment.  The results will be posted in bits and pieces as time goes by.  What’s the experiment you say?  Well, AG posted two single ads on Craig’s List.  They were completely true.  They were intentionally kept vague, but gave enough information that a man could get a sense of what AG would be looking for, if AG had been in fact, looking for a man with a date.

Now AG’s single friend, Internet Girl, was pissed.  She said, “How the heck do you get more than 40 real responses without a picture, without stating an age range and without telling anything about your looks?”  It was within 24 hours of posting the ad. (She was a bit jealous).  We all the know the powers of AG. This is not the issue though.

Why were there at least five responses from men who felt the need to tell AG that she should switch to men that are not Jewish is the issue. The best e-mail so far was the little gem below.  Did AG ask for questions?  Does she want a man who caps Can’t?  Or doesn’t question mark after a question? Can she relate to an idiot who sends this kind of an e-mail?  Does he understand what it was like for AG’s grandmother growing up as an outsider of the WASP culture or the grandfather who came as cargo to the United States because he wasn’t going back to Nazi Germany?  How could he?  If he is this dominating in e-mail, do you think it would change in a relationship or get to know these things? 

 Question?
Why does the man have to be Jewish? You really Can’t relate to  anyone else in the world besides a Jew.

This is what is out there.  These kind of men. This is why my single female friends would rather work 80 hour weeks then put themselves out there.  For what?  For these guys who tell them what they want or need?  Honey, the Pocket Rocket and the Rabbit replaced anything you are selling a long time ago! You aren’t getting AG or any other self respecting Jew with this e-mail.

Moral: Arrogant and forward men suck! 

Security Hints

April 24, 2006

The administrative password for the U.S. Constitution is “K1ddyPr0n”.  If that doesn’t work, try “@r@bMenace!”

Fuck You!

April 24, 2006

Yep, that about says it all for today!

School Saturdays

April 22, 2006


In the tradition of HNT and Peter’s Childhood Trauma Tuesdays, AG has School Stories Saturdays…

At class AG wore a t-shirt yesterday similar to the one above.  It was a Roots t-shirt that reads, “I maple leaf symbol Toronto”.  Despite what UC and the Parents said, AG got it.  They agreed, anything under $9.99 and this little gem is cute on AG and was Canadian $6.99.  So, UC was paying the cashier.
AG was working the guest lecturer in Epidemiology yesterday, who apparently like the instructor, is Canadian.  (Canadian Ph.D.s are a story for another post.) Anyhow, he’s a 60 something year old Oncologist. After AG pitched her spiel to him trying to pimp him for clients, he was all, “What’s the shirt about?”  AG replied, “Do you like them?”

AG yet again rules the Ivy world!