Holiday Inn Express is a Piss Infected Cum Bubble


The saga of the hotel continued throughout the weekend.  From the rowdy twinkie Mets fans who UC thought he would try to reason with to quiet them down to the wrong rate at check-out, it was clear: Holiday Inn is not worthy of your business or mine.  Holiday Inn is a has-been, washed up wrinkled little prune.  It’s time has passed.

The Accused: Holiday Inn Express, 3805 Hunter’s Point, Long Island City, (Queens), New York.

The only reason AG stayed there is because the 7 train is easy to use for getting to classes and because it was supposed to be $107 a night.  Seriously folks, while the city was sold out this weekend, a hotel that can get you to class in a half hour by subway and have a rate so low seemed worth it.  The mistake was in forgetting the old saying: you get what you pay for.  Also, seeing the dead body at Grand Central didn’t help.  It’s good to live in a country that is safe like Iraq. 

AG has reported the bullshit to Holiday Inn’s corporate office and the General Manager of the hotel will be calling back.  AG is NOT paying a dime for the stay. In the duration, it should be known that you should NEVER stay at a Holiday Inn.  It’s the high price of low cost hotel rates.  AG is going to post about it at Travelocity.  AG loves to stir the pot of word-of-mouth advertising!

In other news this weekend, AG had a theater weekend:

JAP Chronicles:  2.5 stars*.  Location is the West Village was a perk in this tiny theatre.  It’s a one person show about a Jewish girl who is teased and tormented by the other girls during summer camp.  It’s the old story of overweight girl who becomes thin to get back at them.  Nothing exciting in the plot line.  The images of various Jewish women redeemed it slightly.

Jewtopia: 3.5 stars. One gentile agrees to help his unlucky Jewish friend find a woman.  The cost – he introduces him to a Jewish girl so he will never have to make another decision in his life.  You have sports Jew, art Jew, club Jew and the Hasidic.  Funny.  Super funny.  Only disappointment: played out the stereotype of the Asian girlfriend.  AG is so over Jew boys who aren’t strong enough to go the goy distance.  Asian girls need to stay away from AG’s Jew toys.  No hot Jew toys were in the audience.  Just their Russian Bubbies and Zaidis.

25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee: 4 stars. A great Broadway production about the pressures of being smart as a child.  Four audience members actually are part of the play being required to spell.  Of course, UC admits to winning the 5th grade spelling bee of York Dork Mills.  Then proceeds to pout because he didn’t get picked to go on stage because he so would have won in his mind.  Olive or what she explains is “I love” when you switch the vowels in her name, was super cute and the seats were great at 50% off.  It was a lot of fun.

There is some great stuff on Broadway right now! 

*out of 5 total stars



35 Responses to “Holiday Inn Express is a Piss Infected Cum Bubble”

  1. Res Publica Says:

    Well…back to our regularly scheduled programming, I see.

    I think Holiday Inn has spread their brand waaaay too thin. They range from Holiday Inn Express, which is like 1/2495th of a notch above a Motel 6, to the Holiday Inn Crown Plaza and InterContinental lines, which are luxury hotels for business travelers.

    Also, most Holiday Inns are franchise sort of operations, so the quality varies WILDLY. I’ve stayed in some really nice Holiday Inns. I’ve also stayed in a Holiday Inn in Cherry Hill, NJ, and it made me feel so very very dirty inside.

    What does it mean for something to be piss-infected?

  2. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Oh, you know what it means. And are you ragging on AG’s programming. AG can quit this blog right here and now, Cowboy.

    Cherry Hill, NJ?! Come now. South Jersey and Philadelphia are two areas that AG has been trying to sell to oil rich countries for years to pay off the US debt. Staying in either city should and WILL make you feel dirty.

  3. Res Publica Says:

    I had to attend a training conference in Philadelphia, but the CDC made our travel arrangements. Usually, that means SWANK, but this time, they put us up in a Holiday Inn in Cherry Hill, NJ. With a “memphis BBQ restaurant” and karaoke bar in the lobby, which seemed quite popular with the elaborately-coiffed locals. Needless to say, I spent most of that week struggling with suicidal ideation.

  4. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    I hear that. I had to stay in a Holiday Inn in Rapid City, South Dakota once. That is SI, baby! You have no idea. Worse yet, Fairfield Inn in Fargo, ND. AG called room service and asked for Kevorkian. The front desk staff was not pleased.

  5. blue girl Says:

    First of all, let me say that I am *so* jealous that you are a NYC girl! I am a NYC girl, but hardly ever in NYC. I heart NYC and miss it to my very core.

    Secondly, I was in a Holiday Inn Express once — in a room with Denzel Washington, as a matter of fact. I was working for him.

    Let your imaginations run wild!

    Third. When I was in 3rd grade I was in a spelling bee. I got up to the mic and my word was “beautiful.”

    I started…

    B. E. U……

    Horrifying gasp of hundreds in the audience! I stop. I think. I ponder the word.

    I go on:

    B. E. A. U. T. I. F. U. L.


    Got through that round with a little help from the audience, but didn’t win the whole thing.

    I think I goofed up on the word *L.O.S.E.R.”

  6. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    I love spelling bees and anything relating to them. Spellbound was one of the best documentaries I have ever seen. The Putnam County Spelling Bee really was an excellent production. I’m a bit of a theatre snob, but I really liked it.

    It was really funny when they started to eliminate the audience participants from the play. Our last guy went out on xerophthalmia. Lame. I could have spelled it. Amusingly, the next word in the play was to be pharmacological, with the ending mumbled so you couldn’t be sure. Apparently, even if you began spelling it with the proper ‘ph’ beginning, they were going to ding you out (this happened to someone at a different performance). I would have to scream my head off if that happened to me. Seriously, dragged off the stage kicking and screaming. AG knows this is true.

  7. blue girl Says:

    Great story, UC!

  8. Res Publica Says:

    Yeah, totally great.

  9. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Don’t encourage him kids. He would totally do it. He’s sick, yo!

  10. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    I think Res was being sarcastic. Blue Girl, of course, was full of genuine charm and kindness. Where would this blog be without Blue Girl?

  11. Res Publica Says:

    I’m going to ban you all and delete this thread! Freakin’ nerds!

  12. blue girl Says:

    UC, you know I love you. I really do. Maybe not as much as AG, but close.

    But, I have to come clean. I have to be honest.

    I was just trying to get my name first down all the comments/posts listing thing up there to the right!

    Still, loved the story!

  13. Res Publica Says:

    See, who was being disingenuous and deceptive NOW, HUH??? OH, was it sweet, cookie-bearing BLUE GIRL! I THINK IT WAS!!

  14. butchie Says:

    What was the problem?

  15. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Blue, just so you know, UC is also buttering you up for more cookies. He’s not as polite as he tries to claim. It’s always about the food at the end of the day.

  16. Res Publica Says:

    You forget that I have met the Uncanny One. I know he’s a brutal sushi-monster, but fortunately, “it’s always about food at the end of the day” pretty much applies to me as well, so we get along smashingly. 🙂

    However, UC, you should know that south Texas daytime highs are going to be between 95 and, oh, 268 degrees until around the end of October, so don’t hold your breath waiting for me to bake something spectacular anytime soon.

  17. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    I don’t see why not, Res. For one, I gave you the highest scores in the bake-off, so you know those baked goods would be much appreciated. Besides, can’t you just put them outside to get fully baked? Damn it, who’s going to bake cookies for me??? Sorry, what were we talking about now?

  18. Res Publica Says:

    Of course you don’t see why not. You don’t live here!

  19. blue girl Says:

    I keep reading all over the Internets that everyone gave Res the highest scores in The Ultimate Bake-Off Of The Beginning Of The 21st Century — yet, I won.

    Repeat. I won.

    How is that? Res, do you think people are just rubbing your poor, poor sweet little ego? Do you think they are fibbing to you when they shower these praises upon your head?

    If not. Then how in the name of Sweet Cookie Jesus did I win the dang thing?

  20. blue girl Says:

    For those of you who may have missed the most important point in that comment above, because I did not use my computer programming skills and italicize it…here it is again for your viewing pleasure:

    I Won!

  21. Res Publica Says:

    OMG that made me laugh so hard. You have got to stop talking about your computer programming skillz….,my desk chair is practically SOAKED WITH PEE, because every time you say that, I laugh until I lose it.

    As for how it is that you “won”, you might not want to bring up questions with such uncomfortable answers, my miniature, cheating friend.

  22. butchie Says:

    What did the hotel do?

  23. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    BG, I have the Excel spreadsheet and e-mails just to prove who won because I knew with the King Cry Babies: Res and UC, it might be needed one day. I am like the guy with the camera and the Rodney King beating — nobody knows why he had a camera and taped it, instead of helping, but whatevs: proof is abound.

    Butchie, that GD hotel is going to give AG back her money. That’s what the hotel WILL do.

  24. Res Publica Says:

    Proof is abound, huh? I’m humbled by your thoroughtude.

  25. blue girl Says:

    I think the spreadsheet should be posted in all it’s BLUE GIRL WON THE CONTEST GLORY!

    Under an Open Thread, of course!

  26. Res Publica Says:

    Feel free to post the spreadsheet recording Blue’s ill-gotten points. That proves nothing except AG’s gullibility and/or complicity.

  27. blue girl Says:

    I can imagine this Cookie Contest as an entire Law & Order episode.

    But, would the dead person at the beginning of said episode be ME? Because I won?

    Or would the dead person be Res? Becaue he would kill himself cuz he’s such a cookie loser?

    And who would play McCoy?

  28. Res Publica Says:

    I would be dead, because you and AG killed me in a desperate attempt to hide your bloody heist of the Bake-Off. Cheater-pants.

  29. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    You know Res, I’d have something to say, but since I have to bake this year and you get to judge, I am not saying a word.

    The numbers did not lie and I frankly wanted to tie you both. UC said we couldn’t do it. So take it up with him.

  30. blue girl Says:

    Res. You’re right. You would be dead.

    And me and AG would be the Teh seXXxy Justice Twin Defense Attorney’s, trying to get your killer off scott free.

    OMG AG!!! Res Publica is going to be A JUDGE?? Good Lord In Heaven, why are giving him such power over the baking masses?

  31. almostinfamous Says:

    sorry to detract from the bake-related lovefest but given that you just wrote a post about weird search engine results, can you begin to imagine what kind of stuff this post will be at the root of??

  32. Res Publica Says:

    Posts with titles containing words like “piss”, “infected” and “cum” usually get all kinds of fun search referrals. Of course, the title of this blog and the frequency with which the words “fuck” and “fucking” appear throughout means that people frequently find this blog by searching for “dogs fucking”. And by “people”, I mean Chuckles.

  33. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    I agree, clearly bitter cookie boy could get back at all of us for the white plates and not winning first prize issues, but it was the agreement. You cannot be a judge everything expecting everyone else to cough up the cash and goodies without getting a little skin in the game. Who knows, maybe we can get Butchie involved next year. He’s so honest, we can trust him to judge fairly.

  34. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    P.S. AG and UC have a movie and theater packed weekend planned. More ratings to follow soon with a better title.


  35. blue girl Says:

    I’m jelous of UC and AG’s upcoming weekend.


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