My mind: blown directly out my ass.


The current Bush administration has also accorded legitimacy to the cult leader. Under the Bush administration’s faith-based initiatives, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services gave a $475,280 grant to fund Free Teens USA, a Moonie-run after-school celibacy club that recruits people into the cult. (Quick note: on the issue of nonmarital sex, the former womb-blesser is now a sadistic puritan: “If your love organ,” Moon once told his male followers, “does not listen to your conscience, then you should cut off the tip [with pliers].”)


18 Responses to “My mind: blown directly out my ass.”

  1. almostinfamous Says:

    “If your love organ,” Moon once told his male followers, “does not listen to your conscience, then you should cut off the tip [with pliers].”)

    WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!

    someone must have run into Ms Bobbit at a young age.

  2. Res Publica Says:

    Do you know how hard it is for community-based (non-wingnut) organizations to pry some cash out of the feds to do HIV prevention work? Do you know what an insanely heavy reporting burden organizations like mine bear in the name of “accountability”? It makes my eyes bleed to think about my tax dollars being forked over to fucking Moonies — MOONIES, PEOPLE!! — to tell kids to whack their dicks off. This country has become such a fucking clown-show.

  3. Chuckles Says:

    Dear Jebus, deliver us from stupidity and lead us not in frustration. Please chemically castrate us in the name of your love and hope for the next generation.

  4. Adorable Girlfriend Says:


    I am writing a letter to all my peeps:

    John Kerry
    Joe Kennedy
    Michael Capuano
    John Tierney
    Hillary Clinton
    Charles Schummer
    and the evil, Sue Kelly

    I am NOT sitting back and taking Republican BS anymore!

  5. blue girl Says:

    Hot Chuckles is in the house!

    Did he bring pliers?

  6. Res Publica Says:

    Y’all be sure to read that whole article, too. It’s not just the prevention programs, it’s the fact that Rev. Moon is all but dipping his balls in the Preznit’s mouth. I mean, there are BAZILLIONS of reporters in DC….WHAT ARE THEY ALL DOING?

    Oh, that’s right. Sucking Bill Frist’s cock all the way down to the base, and seeing if they can’t get at least one ball in their collective mouth while they’re at it. Fucking whores.

  7. Johnny A Says:

    Ho. Lee. Shit.

    Here’s the press release with the allocation to “Free Teens USA, Inc.”

    This is the “Free Teens” site, evidently. (I was almost afraid to google it.)

  8. Kevin Wolf Says:

    Rev. Moon and Dubya are that close?

    Is it already the Teabag Moon? It’s only May!

  9. Res Publica Says:

    LOL @ Teabag Moon

    If I could start everything over, I’d call this blog Teabag Moon.

  10. Robust McManlyPants Says:

    I really should not read Teabag Moon while on a conference call.

  11. Res Publica Says:

    Johnny A, now I have a severe headache. Thanks. I was especially amused by all the “planning grants” listed first. Talk about “nice work if you can get it,” that’s basically free money. I wish I could tell you how ridiculously over-burdened and over-scrutinized everything is right now in the world of those of us who use federal money to do non-magic-based HIV prevention work. But I can’t, because when I try to talk about it, I get so mad so quickly about so many things at once that I just kind of choke.

    However, you can go here to get more information from one organization that has finally stood up and said ENOUGH to the way congress is using the CDC to paralyze HIV prevention work while they give all the money to the Fying Spaghetti Monster.

  12. Johnny A Says:

    Dude, CHAMP needs to get a front of it’s own… SOmething like “The Life-Wellness Friends of Divine Wholesome Family Picnics” or some shit. Boom. Billion dollars

  13. Res Publica Says:

    I’ve been thinking about doing that myself. I mean, apparently you can do whatever ridiculous and unproven bullshit you want and call it HIV prevention if you’re a magic-based organization. On the other hand, groups like the one I work for are now only allowed to conduct behavioral interventions that the CDC has deemed “evidence based”. We have to do them exactly as they are provided, because they have been “proven to work”, but we also have to expend enormous amounts of resources to collect demographic and risk behavior data on every single person we work with (before and after), and enter that all into PEMS, so that the CDC can be sure that these interventions (which are “proven effective”) are actually effective. Be sure to have a look at the PEMS 2.0 Data Variables and Values – I think CHAMP links to them. It’s a 230-odd page document detailing the insanely overreaching data collection requirements on funded CBOs. Table I is a real howler. Fortunately, we don’t have to collect the Table I data for routine HIV testing, but we do have to collect it for each person who participates in our group programs. So, how many times have YOU had anal or vaginal sex (protected or unprotected) with a serodiscordant partner or whose serostatus was unknown to you within the past 90 days? And the past 15? Don’t be uncomfortable, we’re just putting this information into a national database run by the federal government!

  14. plover Says:

    Right, set up Lamb’s Door Viral Exorcisms to distribute funds and have them pass the government money they get to your current agency because they sensed powerful anti-viral spiritual emanations from your offices when they walked by one day. Since they won’t ask you to define “anti-viral spiritual emanations”, you won’t have to tell them you define it as “fact-based research that actually gets shit done”.

    we’re just putting this information into a national database run by the federal government
    Right next to your phone records…

    Honestly, it would probably be more useful if they actually were giving the money to Flying Spaghetti Monster groups.

    Also: “Serodiscordant” is a seriously cool word – someone should write an SF novel called that.

  15. Res Publica Says:

    Good lord, plover, that’s brilliant. Let’s get started on Lamb’s Door! I’ll be the Executive Director and you can be the Program Manager. Not only can we get some of the sweet nectar of federal funding, but the many many many local baptist and church of christ churches will be eager to blow their cashy wads all over our collective face! CASH BUKKAKE, BABY!

  16. plover Says:

    I’m not religious, and I have no idea how federal funding really works, so 4 out of 5 chundermuffins surveyed will tell you I’m talking out my ass here, but is there any possibility that, given the volcano of stupidity currently passing for the nation’s capital, there’s some meaningful kernel of an idea in any of this?

    I mean, if they’re buying magic, sell them magic. If the game really is as bonkers as it looks, and what’s really required to get federal funding is faith talk, it ought to be possible to create an organization based upon perfectly sincere principles derived from faith which could make appropriate noises that the DC folks want to hear – and which do accurately reflect their beliefs on some real level – and which also uses methods they really believe in, even if those just happen to be the methods that scientists really believe in. I’m still trying to figure out whether this ends up being ethically dodgy or not (and I’m certainly not trying to trivialise faith). It seems possible that, if done right, there need be no hypocrisy or deceit involved. The real problem is that this is not how we want our government to operate. But given that, for the moment, it does operate that way, what’s the best response? Of course, if the operative definition of “faith-based” is really “connected to Republican donors”, then it would never work anyway.

    I think I’d feel better if someone who knows what they’re talking about would just say now that this is the dumbest thing they’ve ever heard…

  17. Res Publica Says:

    I’m sure there are many perfectly legitimate and sincere faith-based organizations that do very good work in many areas. However, I’m opposed to the government funding religious ministries (and all of the good works of churches are a part of their ministry, properly speaking). As a “person of faith” myself (whatever that phrase means), I think that the work of a church should represent the care and sacrifice of the people of the church, not the largesse of the government. As a citizen, I don’t want crazy people taking my tax money and using it to cure homosexuality or cast out the demon of addiction or stupid shit like that. The government would have to distinguish between groups, and (again as a “person of faith”), I don’t want the government in the business of evaluating the legitimacy of religious groups and their works.

    Faith-based funding just invites massive entanglement between church and state, to the detriment of both.

  18. plover Says:

    Yes, I was taking that pretty much as given – it is, of course, the larger issue, and is what I meant by “this is not how we want our government to operate”. My question is more one of practicality: given the (hopefully temporary) insanity of our government, what do we do? The funding needs that a secular government serves still exist, obviously, even if the mechanism for distributing that funding rationally is being studiously degraded. In other words, if the current situation is that rational sources of funding are being neglected for irrational sources, is it reasonable to construct an interface to that irrational source?

    This is a utilitarian type solution, and such solutions often acquire noxious ethical attributes. Thus, my skepticism above. However, it seems necessary to at least ask the question of what should be done until the government is brought back to its senses. But again, so much depends on particulars that I don’t have, that my judgement here isn’t worth a whole lot.

    My assumption is that, if done right, such a group as I described, once government policy has returned to some more normal level of rationality (i.e. frustratingly blockheaded rather than batshit crazy), should be able to turn around and show that they pursued their goals in the spirit of what they would have expected a sane government to require of them, and then simply disappear as an interface that is no longer required.

    And clearly, any such group would be an adjunct to – not a replacement for – the attempt to show this irrationality as an untenable way to pursue governance.

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