Random Driving Tip #73

When it is raining outside and your area is under flood warning, put on your lights along with your wipers.


23 Responses to “Random Driving Tip #73”

  1. Chuckles Says:

    I am not surprised.

    Has New England dried out yet?

  2. Kevin Wolf Says:

    Random Driving Tip #104: In Massachusetts, nobody ever does the smart thing or the right thing on the road.

  3. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Random Driving Tip#104A: Massachusetts was the first state in the union to have insurance. There is a reason why.

  4. robola Says:

    Random Driving Tip #121: Peanut butter is not a suitable cleaning agent for your windshield.

    Random Driving Tip #327: If your car won’t start, check under the hood for small children. Nine times out of ten, faulty ignition is the result of inadvertant child placement.

  5. Yosef Says:

    Random Driving Tip #3,047: When in Charlotte, NC, if a single rain drop falls, you must reduce your speed to 3 mph, especially in the fast lane of the interstate. There is no need to signal or to look first before switching lanes. Put on your hazard lights to warn other drivers that it is raining, just in case the rain drops are not actually hitting their windshields. Headlights are not necessary, as GM cars are equipped with lights that are always on. If your drive a Ford, just assume they’re doing the same thing as GM. If you drive an SUV, then a little rain will never interfere with your driving, so continue to drive as fast as possible, but caution! You may have to swerve to miss every single other car on the road that is following the 3 mph rain speed limit!!! In these dangerous driving conditions, it is important to remember to call your friends on your cell phone to see if they think it would be better to meet at Village Tavern or somewhere uptown now that it’s raining and you don’t know if the chairs outside on the patio will be dry enough to sit in, oh, and let them go because you have to take this call from your other friends to find out if they want to meet for dinner at Ruth’s Chris on Saturday night, and did you ever hear back from that guy from the other night? I swear they always say they’ll call so you put out but then you never hear from them again until you see them at Have a Nice Day on the dance floor with some other girl and she is a complete slut in that dress she’s wearing, OMG!! you can even see the bottom of her ass cheek, but then you talk to him when she goes to pee and he says that his cell phone died the next day so he lost your number and had no way of getting in touch with you so it’s alright and you take him out of the bar before the slut comes out of the bathroom and take him home then his new cell phone dies again the next day and, oh girl, you just need to find someone who’ll take care of you and show you affection, you’re so right! OMG!! I saw this totally cute guy getting a manicure the other day and I gave him my phone number and I think this is him calling now so I’ll call you back and let you know if he’s going to ask me out OMG!!! I hope he’s not gay because OMG!!! this asshole almost made me have a wreck! I can’t believe he’s only driving 3 mph I mean I’m going 97 but I have to be at the salon in 2 minutes and can you believe their going to charge me $300 for a cut and color?! If that asshole had made me wreck my daddy would totally kill me because he said after my 4th wreck that if I had one more he would totally take away the beemer and OMG!!! I can’t believe my boss yelled at me for only being 2 hours late today Did you hear what happened with Brangelina somebody took a picture of their baby and put it on the internet I think the person is a total sleaze but I’m so happy for Brangelina it’s the cutest little baby ever sure her adopted babies are cute too but this one has Brad’s genes and OMG!!! if Brad designed some jeans I would totally buy them because he’s so hot although I’m still mad at him for leaving Jennifer can you believe she’s dating Vince Vaughn he’s the kind of guy I’m looking for except not sleazy like his characters in all those movies OMG!!! he’s so funny I wonder if they’ll have a baby too that would show Brad and can you believe that Gwynneth left him and still found someone to have a baby with and she named both of them weird things and I cannot believe that Tom and Katie had a baby he’s so creepy but I’d probably…

    Also, if necessary, stop and park under an overpass and try to wait out the 5 hour long thunderstorm.

  6. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    Yosef, it’s like you’re right inside my head and are justing typing out my thoughts as they occur. Freaky.

  7. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    UC, you drive in Charlotte, NC? That is news to AG.

  8. blue girl Says:

    UC! You haven’t visited blue girl today!

    And I even mentioned you and everything!


  9. Yosef Says:

    Someone alert the paparrazzi that Unadorable may or may not be driving in Charlotte!

    UC, I know my town well.

  10. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    OK, BG, I left a comment at your blog. I’ve never come across somebody so good at promoting and advertising their product. I’ll bet you’re kick-ass at your real job!!!

  11. fulsome Says:

    The UC presents the conundrum: is his remark a compliment or cobagitation?

  12. mdhatter Says:

    a backhander, perhaps?

    Random driving tip #104B: Massachusetts has more guardrails per mile of paved road than any other state. See Rule 104 and 104A, above.

  13. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    You guys are way too cynical. I only have hugs, kisses, and admiration for the fabulous Blue Girl.

  14. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    You guys are way too cynical. I only have hugs, kisses, and admiration for the fabulous Blue Girl.

    Excuse me, UC, but have you not heard of a thing called, “Adorable Girlfriend”?

  15. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    AG, you get the real hugs and kisses. BG has to settle for the virtual smoochies. I think that’s a good deal for you.

  16. blue girl Says:

    You guys are tooooo funny.

    And! Someone forgot to close their italics tag!!

    No one tell PP. He’s depressed today and this may send him directly over the edge.


  17. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    That someone is still learning. This was feat two of IT show off this week. The first time is always the hardest.

    Pinko? Depressed? What’s new?! Maybe if Fulsome would just give in to his suggestions, he’d perk up.

    Oh, did AG just say that?

  18. dasc Says:

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The absolute worst of the worst drivers in Massachusetts have green license plates. Their either from New Hampshire or have plates dating back to the early 80’s which means they’re the pioneers of bad driving and god dammit you will learn to respect them because they’ve been here longer then you and are thusly entitled to everything they want on the road and you can just go to hell if you think otherwise. Especially watch out for green plates with very low numbers, less then 4 digits. That means they’re someones political crony and got their plates through patronage, back before the RMV had a random lottery for such perks.

  19. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    OMG Dasc, I’ve recently said the same thing. I noticed it after I moved out of Boston proper.

  20. mdhatter Says:

    the green plates mean VIP, very irritating person.

  21. Res Publica Says:

    holy shit, Yoseph, that was the funniest (and longest) comment EVER left on this here blog. That made me laugh REALLY hard.

  22. BOSSY Says:

    Yup – lights on, wipers on.
    It also helps to – um – not drive directly into that car heading straight for you!

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