Possible Future Husband

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While “working”, found this little gem of a website.

Perhaps this little Israeli is AG’s calling, though he must be willing to allow AG to relocate:

Hi! My username is Yonatan. I am a 34-year old Male from Raanana, Israel. I am 5′ 10″ (about 1.80 m) tall, have brown eyes, black hair and my build is Average. I have never been married and I have no children. I grew up in Palo Alto, California. My highest level of education is college, and by profession I am a(n) editor.

I am of Ashkenazi descent. I was raised Orthodox, and now I consider myself Modern ORTHODOX. In terms of dress, casual frum, kippa srugah, tzizit tucked in, clean shaven. I daven daily with a minyan and I learn Torah more than once a week. My secular political beliefs are not sure and with regard to Israel my political beliefs are somewhere in the middle. I am definitely in making Aliyah.

I will consider relocating, and will consider travelling for a date.
I never smoke and have an alcoholic beverage never.

On our date, please don’t talk on the cell phone to someone else, talk about other boyfriends, talk about your gym

I chose Modern ORTHODOX because: I don’t like those people who do just the minimum (shabbat, kashrut, and wear a kippah) there is more to being religious than that – it is an everyday thing!.

My most prominent character trait (or quirk) is: good sense of humor.

If you asked me to describe myself I would say: nice guy with a sense of humor, I think commitment to torah and mitzvot is important

If you plan on contacting me, I hope you are: nice, english speaking, modern religious woman in her 20’s or early 30’s who lives in Israel and wants to stay in Israel

I prefer reading People Magazine over Newsweek and taking a leisurely stroll rather than jogging. I’d rather spend a sunday at Wax Museum as opposed to The Met. I shop because I have to. I live to eat. A walk in the rain will ruin my hair. I claim that I am allergic to pets, and I always prefer Coke over Pepsi.

A fun date would include: The movies, A Broadway play, Miniature golf

If I ever get take a vacation, it would include: Lounge chairs, suntan lotion, and a cocktail

If you don’t want to bore me, start a conversation about: Shul Presidential Election, Torah, Movies, Celebrity dating fluctuations

If you want to understand my family, think: The Simpsons, Family Vacations, T.V. Dinner

One last thing: Favorite movie quote: Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura, Pet Detective – “If I’m not back in 5 minutes — wait longer!”.

AG is looking and liking!

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34 Responses to “Possible Future Husband”

  1. Res Publica Says:

    A. bizarro
    B. who the fuck goes to a wax museum?

  2. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    I wondered myself. They are canned responses, however I got the message he was giving.

    Res, at my age, they are all bizarro!

  3. Jimmy Says:

    Umm… ok.

  4. Res Publica Says:

    How old are you?

  5. Res Publica Says:

    Christ, every time I go to 25percentfat, WHICH I LOVED!!!, it’s something different. I’m going to curl up under my desk and cry now.

  6. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    I know. Jimmy is a hot blog tease. RoD hates that except if your name is Butchie.

    Oh Res, any girl over the age of 25 is pretty much screwed these days. With every day, the screwage factor goes up.

  7. Res Publica Says:

    That can’t possibly be true. I was a hot mess at 25….something like a male version of Patsie from Absolutely Fabulous. By 30, I had my pants back on, had put away the blow and booze, had cleared up all those pesky arrest warrants, and had become a generally reasonable and enjoyable person. Guys in their 20’s don’t know shit from shinola. Unless they read my blog, in which case they are undoubtedly rockin’ beyond their years.

  8. Res Publica Says:

    Also, I would like to take this opportunity to announce, appropos of nothing, that Moonlighting was the best television show ever broadcast.

  9. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    You just think you were hot. It’s all over after the age of 25. Hang it up and go home!

    Moonlighting? What are you a girl/Pinko?

  10. Chuckles Says:

    Guys in their 20’s don’t know shit from shinola. Unless they read my blog, in which case they are undoubtedly rockin’ beyond their years.

    I clearly rock beyond my years yet I still do not know shinola from chicanery. Any chick that can manage to land me is in for a wild night but then I am gone the next morning leaving naught but a hint of manliness on the pillow and an ache in her heart.

    This guy is not all that great. He says he never drinks liqour but wants a vacations with cocktails? And 5’10”? AG does like them small and stupid, I guess. Except that she doesn’t because the UC is now moron, so she must just be insane. This fact is supported by her general female-ness and the fact that all women everywhere are insane. Or something like that.

  11. Res Publica Says:

    Aww…did you learn to talk like that in Sunday School, or did the Lord just make you naturally sweet?

    Also, I think pretty much the entire left side of the blogiverse (with the apparent exceptions of John Aravosis, Markos whatshisface and that TBogg guy) has come to the consensus that there is nothing wrong with being a girl, and that using “girl” as an insult is therefore gauche at best.

  12. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    ‘Girl’ doesn’t offend, it’s the use of the word “chick”, Chuckie Howard Blogger that does! AG also doesn’t intend to offend, merely she calls ’em like she sees ’em.

    As for Chuck, you wish you could bag a woman. You got nothing. Nothing! You write this Sunday School musings because you are trying to impress Fulsome. Fulsome, who gets all the women. You are a sad, jealous little puppy. Thankfully, we love you enough to take pity on you and let you hang with us over here.

    Having said all of that, Jewish men are rarely tall. As the generations grow, they are getting taller, but it takes time. Who needs a tall man taking all that space in bed anyway? All you need is a hung man. Geesh. Does AG have to teach you hairy back Merries everything?! Honestly, a little Oprah or MTV should clear up this.

    Also, Chuck — if you are going to call UC bright, maybe you could check your typing. 🙂

  13. BOSSY Says:

    He sounds like a scream! Literally a scream – auughh, run!

  14. Res Publica Says:

    I spent about 16 seconds on Bossy’s blog, and it is going DIRECTLY on Ye Olden Blogroll.

  15. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    We love Bossy. BG brought her to us.

  16. madamerouge Says:

    Jimmy got into a bit of a “misunderstanding” with a robot and a monkey. It was all very Three’s Company. Methinks he’ll be back at some point.

  17. sarah Says:

    haha. awesome. And very specific. You should snatch that guy up before another girl gets him! Hurry, or I will!

  18. Res Publica Says:

    Y’all are kidding, right? You wouldn’t date someone who quotes “Ace Ventura, Pet Detective” in his ad….right?

    Behold, the inner workings of the American marriage crisis unfold before our very eyes!

  19. sirbarrett Says:

    “at my age they are all bizarro” A. Who isn’t bizarro? B. How old are you again? All I can say is good luck AG. You are adorable for a reason. If you’re going to relocate to Israel, I hope it’s special.

  20. plover Says:

    by profession I am a(n) editor

    Classic! (Though obviously an artifact of the cannedness.)

  21. plover Says:

    Gah! Another reality destroying missed close italics tag.

  22. almostinfamous Says:

    the simpsons?

    please! everyone knows futurama is where it’s at!

    and i hope by wax museum he means the sex museum, which i stayed next to for 3 days but could never go in!! damn my puritanical parents!!!

  23. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    I never get the people who go to a sex museum. If you are that interested, why aren’t you just home banging someone’s brains out?

    Y’all just hate my future boy toys.

  24. almostinfamous Says:

    what part of ‘puritanical parents’ do you not understand?

  25. Res Publica Says:

    Um…what’s a “sex museum”?

  26. Res Publica Says:

    Also, Futurama is TOTALLY where it’s at. I heart Futurama.

    But not as much as I superdoubleplusheart Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

  27. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    The part of puritanical. Can you explain it to us?

    😆

    P.S. Goddammit Res. Leave the house and state more often.

  28. Res Publica Says:

    I’m hardly provincial, I just don’t really understand the point of a “sex museum”. I mean….if you want to see people having sex, there’s a whole genre of that. it’s called porn. Did people have sex differently in the past?

  29. Res Publica Says:

    Oh, and I’m pretty sure Yonatan has never been to Teh SeXxX Museum either, so shuddit.

  30. almostinfamous Says:

    well res, i would tell you if i had been allowed to visit!!

  31. plover Says:

    Did people have sex differently in the past?

    At first people had sex by yodeling. This did not work well at all, and thus people died out and had to be evolved from scratch.

    Next, people tried to substitute wind dispersal for sex. Basically, whenever there was a big storm, people would run around in the rain spanking monkeys, getting hit by lightning a lot, hoping for the best, and refraining from yodeling. This had some limited success, but then blue green algae evolved. Blue green algae kicked people’s ass, and they died out again.

    At this point, evolution got sick of people and for the next 3 billion plus years was really pissy whenever the topic was brought up. Life was good if you were a vast wad of fuzz floating on the ocean currents.

    When the fuzz mats got bored with themselves, they decided to try their luck as sponges and worms and squid and beetles and ferns and beetles and salamanders and beetles and iPods and beetles. Most of these came up with some kind of sex, which they will no doubt tell you about at great length if you ask. (The iPods haven’t worked out sex yet, but there is a certain dread that they will soon.)

    At this point, evolution decided: well, it’s been over 3 billion years, and people weren’t such bad idea even if they couldn’t reproduce to save their lives, let’s try that one again – with the stipulation that there is to be no yodeling until they invent Switzerland. So, after briefly considering the route of beetle sex – and giving up upon realizing the impossibility of finding any consensus choice among the ridiculous range of baroque penis designs – people decided the salamanders basically had the right idea with the moist orifices and much more straightforward penises and such, if there could just be a few improvements on that whole egg idea. Oh, and beer. If the process were to involve beer, people thought, it would likely go much better. (So far, this decision has made a lot of yeast happy.)

    Does that help much?

  32. Res Publica Says:

    Plover gives hella good comment. Is there some kind of award for the best comments? He’s my comment-sancho!

  33. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    OMG, I wrote the same thing and then my Internet went down! However Res, we don’t know Plover’s gender. Will Plover stop being an enigma and tell us?

  34. Leslie And John Keno Says:

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    Free online blackjack different free online blackjack let it ride unbeknownst let it ride….

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