Master Cleanse aka The Lemonade Diet – Day 1

So remember when I had planned to hit the gym a whole lot during this extended vacation that I’m on?  Yeah, it never happened.  Instead, I’ve been sitting around, packing on the pounds while I do my job hunting from the comfort of home. 

Now a few years ago, a friend of mine went on something called the lemonade diet.  As Res would put it, she’s one of those “Austin Hippies” who’s all about organic foods and healthy eating and crazy shit like that.  The diet isn’t about weight loss, though that’s often a side effect.  This diet is supposed to help detoxify and cleanse your system.

There are 3 things that I’m supposed to drink on this fast:

1)  “Lemonade” – A combination of 10 oz of purified water, 2 tbsp of grade B maple syrup, 2 tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice (preferably from organic lemons), and 1/2 tsp of cayenne pepper.  You’re supposed to drink at least 6 glasses of the lemonade each day.

2)  Saline Wash – A combination of 1 quart of water with 2 tsp of non-iodized sea salt.  Drink this at the beginning of the day.

3)  Senna Tea – This is a laxative tea.  You can also use Smooth Move, but no way was I buying something with that name.  You’re supposed to drink this at the end of the day.

I had been doing some research on this on various websites and also spoke with a couple of dieticians that I know and decided to go on and try it.  Last night, I went and got all of the ingredients that I needed.  I didn’t wind up buying the organic lemons.  For the cost difference, they didn’t seem to be worth it.  Keep in mind that I’m only partially employed and organic grade B maple syrup is a little bit more than the Aunt Jemima that you put on your pancakes.

Sidenote: Tater, from Fast, Inc. needs to STICK IT IN!

So I started off with the saline wash this morning.  It sucked, big time.  I was suprised that I was able to drink it down.  The recommendation is to chug it down and I drank it as fast as I could and you pretty much have to or you’re going to hurl.

I’ve also had my first glass of the lemonade.  It wasn’t too bad.  I think that I might have put in too much cayenne given how much my stomach is burning.  I also only used half of the recommended amount of maple syrup, which is suggested for us big girls.

So far, so good….but we’ll see how I feel when the hunger pangs start.  I’m off to drink another glass of lemonade.

 

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30 Responses to “Master Cleanse aka The Lemonade Diet – Day 1”

  1. Kevin Wolf Says:

    Everybody has somethign to say about diets, I’m sure. Are you positive you want to post about this little experiment?

    So, this is the whole diet? How long does it last?

    It sounds a littel extreme to me – not necessarily in a harmful way, but in a setting yourself up for failure kind of way.

  2. Res Publica Says:

    According to the raw-foods crackpots who came up with this thing, it’s not a diet. It’s a “cleanse”, and its purpose is to clean all the “toxins” out of your body. I don’t particularly buy in to the “toxins r everywhere!!@!” theory of health, but I’m thinking about trying it, just to see if I die. Or if I can do it longer than Midniter, so I can make fun of him and call him “fatty bobatty” and “meatsack” while I drink my organic maple syrup cayenne pepper lemonade out of one of those sports bottle thingies.

    But it does pretty much sound insane, doesn’t it? I’m not starting until Friday, so if Midniter dies before then, I’ll know not to try it.

  3. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Nah, extreme was that Supersize Me movie.

  4. midniter Says:

    You can do the fast for as long as 40 days, but I’m aiming for 10, which is the recommended minimum.

    And my postings are mainly going to be my whining about not eating, I think.

    Part of the reason I’m doing this is that I seem to be eating out a lot lately, and the chicken fried steak that was smothered in queso at Lulu’s left me feeling a little clogged up.

  5. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    OT: Chuckles is talking trash about his love for his Mommy while dishing all over Blue Girl and Res. Go to his blog and get ’em!

  6. blue girl Says:

    Midniter!

    If the cleansing thing doesn’t work — just go to Weight Watchers!

    That’s what I finally did!

    I know people think it’s dumb, but it totally works for me.

    And (of course this is NOT going to come as any surprise to Res) — I lost the most of anyone in the meeting the second week!

    Yay me!

    I got a *gold star* and lots of glares from rolly-polly polish women in flowered blouses! They love their perogies!!

  7. blue girl Says:

    Hmmmmmm.

    Perogies.

    Potato and cheese filled fried dough.

    I’m starving!

  8. Res Publica Says:

    Woo hoo! Fried things! I love fried things so much. They’re probably full of fatty TOXINS though.

  9. blue girl Says:

    Res, did you go read Chuckles’s post where you and I cobagitate and have evil twins????

  10. blue girl Says:

    My blog is boring.

    What should I do?

    I’m feeling rather indifferent to it right now.

  11. Chuckles Says:

    I did a juice fast once. I lasted the second longest. We were just blending bananas, pineapples, kiwis, strawberries and soy milk and drinking it instead of eating food. That cleans you out. I was pooping bright green. It was pretty cool. Sometimes, it felt a little odd, like you were pooping a brillo pad or something.

    I could have gone the full four days if I had been adding in the protein shake stuff. That crap is foul, though. I got pretty light headed in the last day and ate a hamburger. I nearly puked it right back up. I recommend bread as the first solid food. Nice and neutral.

  12. Res Publica Says:

    Yes, I had to wash my eyeballs. With bleach and a brillo pad.

    My blog is boring, too. Everything is kind of boring to me right now. This country is totally going down the shitter, and San Antonio is leading the way toward third world status. I’m so ready to move. Maybe I’ll move to Austin. Or Mexico.

  13. Res Publica Says:

    Chuckles, thanks for posting comments about your shit! That’s AWESOME!!

    Speaking of gross, he’s right about that protien shake mix…..it’s nizasty.

  14. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    No, Senna tea is the nizastiest. My grandmother used to drink it religiously, up until her colon could handle it no longer. We had a different name for it in my family, and even though this is not a family blog, I’ll spare y’all the details. Just be careful with these cleanses, Midniter. You’re pouring an awful lot of solute into your body there, and I don’t like what you are getting nutritiionally.

    BG is right. WW is the really the only thing that works over the long run (at least until the next study comes out that says the old study was wrong). WW shoudl help you find a balance that will work for your diet and lifestyel.

  15. Res Publica Says:

    Too bad WW also involves going to those suck-ass meetings with a bunch of big-butted suburban housefraus.

  16. midniter Says:

    Well, and I’m also not really doing this for weight loss. I’m doing it for the detoxification. I’ll probably see about getting a massage to help break up some of the toxins as well, even though I know Res is going to call me a hippie freak.

    Soy milk is nasty.

    How many weeks have you been on WW, Blue? I do have friends who have lost a ton of weight on the WW program, but that’s not really what I’m going for right now.

  17. blue girl Says:

    Too bad WW also involves going to those suck-ass meetings with a bunch of big-butted suburban housefraus.

    They’re fun to observe though! (I will just assume that you did not include me in that description, evil one.)

    The lady that leads our meetings is a straight out MAD TV character. She’ll ask you a question, like….If you had to choose between a martini and a stick of celery, which would you choose and why?

    And she’s all serious, rubbing her chin. And as people answer, she just rubbin’ that chin, nodding her head up and down and saying….Ya…Ya….Ya….Ya.

    Straight out of Fargo.

    I love to watch people and dissect them!

    🙂

  18. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Res is just jealous because those suburbs gals aren’t interested in him!

  19. Res Publica Says:

    The lady that leads our meetings is a straight out MAD TV character. She’ll ask you a question, like….If you had to choose between a martini and a stick of celery, which would you choose and why?

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Too bad she didn’t make it a bloody mary…you could say “all of the above!” and stick the celery stick in your drink.

  20. midniter Says:

    Day 1 is almost over. I haven’t had any bad hunger pangs or cravings yet and just had another glass of lemonade. A large Mexican lemon yields approximately 4 tablespoons of juice. So far, this isn’t too bad, but I haven’t had the senna leaf tea yet. I have a job interview Wednesday afternoon though, so probably gonna hold off on the tea for another day.

    One day down, nine more to go.

  21. blue girl Says:

    Midniter! You can’t just type lemonade! Lemonade does NOT have pepper in it.

    I am totally doing air quotes every time I see you type that. Good luck!!

    And, oh, Res…

    Yes, I had to wash my eyeballs. With bleach and a brillo pad.

    I just caught that, evil one.

    Nothing gets by me!

  22. Res Publica Says:

    Yeah, totally “lemonade”. Lemonade contains neither cayenne pepper nor maple syrup.

  23. madame rouge Says:

    diet’s sounding like some nasty shit

  24. midniter Says:

    I really need to cut down on the cayenne pepper some. Aside from that, my “lemonade” is mmm mmm good.

    If I repeat it often enough, maybe I’ll believe it.

  25. almostinfamous Says:

    if you want to ‘cleanse’ so bad, get an enema.

    that diet sounds more like torture!!

    and WTF! i like my cayenne peppers, but with delicious lemonade that has been maple-ized?

    that’s an abomination worse than mango salsa(HA!)!

    good luck though.

    me i;m on a 2/3 roti a meal with an hour of workout as often as possible diet. let’s see who keeps the weight off!

  26. midniter Says:

    Again, this ISN’T about losing weight. And WTF is a 2/3 roti a meal?

    And the Air Force Sex Toy is out of the country right now, so I really don’t need to use an enema right now, damnit!

  27. Brando Says:

    I’m getting intestinal cramps just reading this.

    I did South Beach a couple years ago and it worked really well. It’s a pretty healthy diet — it emphasizes veggies, meat, and beans in the first couple weeks when you can’t eat any sugars or carbs (aside from the beans). I dropped almost 25lbs and kept about 15-20 of that off for about 2 years. It helped I was exercising regularly, too.

    I packed on about 10 lbs in the last three months (got busy and crept back into bad eating/exercise habits), so I’m trying to right the ship. Just need a few weeks of discipline to be too sexy for my shirt again.

    As for BG being bored with her blog, yes, I guess Pete Townshend stopping by is boring. Jimminy Christmas, if Pete Best stopped by my place, I’d be like, OMFG PETE BEST LEFT A COMMENT ON MY BLOG!!! RINGO s0x0rs!!!

  28. midniter Says:

    I’m all about the meat.

  29. blue girl Says:

    Brando —

    🙂

    I was just bored with life yesterday. Can’t explain it…everything I thought of writing just seemed…”blah.”

    I’m better today! But, really busy. I’ll probably be more of commenter/lurker blogger today.

  30. Res Publica Says:

    I”m starting this Cleanse thing on Friday. Current forecast predicts rapid and catastrophic failure. Yesterday evening, midniter was like “I haven’t eaten in 14 hours and I’m starting to feel hungry”. I was like “Me too, I haven’t had anything since my midafternoon snack!”

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