Plover Rocks the House!

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Plover yet again rocks the blog with the story of how UC and AG came to be entangled:

Once upon a time, in the Land of Nürd, there lived a Canadian. Oh, a stalwart slayer of mice and tireless pursuer of donuts was he! Or was it the other way around? I mean, one day all the mice escaped and it took hours to er… ahem… In time, there came to the Land of Nürd, at that fief known as the Pinkdom of Pork, a Girlfriend, mistress of the cobag hunt and scourge of hospital and hotel staffs across the land. And it came to pass one afternoon that the Pinko of Pork took the Girlfriend out for a walk to show her his Pinkdom (not one word, Chuckles). They strolled along the bluffs and stopped to gaze out across the Sea of Pork.

As it happened, the Canadian had chosen that day to visit the Sea of Pork for the purpose of going a-snorkeling. However, during his snorkulations, he was set upon by a gang of PhD candidates. But the Canadian was familiar with the dangers of the Land of Nürd, and always kept his slide-rule close at hand. Soon, he had routed the PhD candidates and sent them fleeing up the beach, looking as if their brains had been given a turn in the centrifuge.

Observing the triumph of the Canadian from atop the bluff, the Girlfriend felt a stirring of tenderness for the gallant, slide-rule–wielding Pork snorkeler. “Gracious, he is quite the Nürd!” said she, and in access of sentiment, proceeded to swoon.

The Pinko, having been charmed by the retreating posterior of one of the PhD candidates, did not notice, and she toppled to the grass. She stood up, glared at the Pinko, moved squarely into his line of sight, and swooned anew. Again, she found herself stretched upon the sward, though this time the Pinko stared down at her with puzzled countenance as he mulled whether Ann Bartow would approve if he helped his companion to rise. Regaining her feet, the Girlfriend decided the best course of action would be to first, thrash the Pinko with a squeaky carrot, and following, to climb down the bluff.

As the Canadian stood on the shore, carefully cleaning his slide-rule after his encounter, he heard the distant squeaking of a carrot. Scanning the bluffs above, he was amazed to see a Girlfriend appear at the ridge-line, and then commence to clamber down the sheer cliff. He watched her descent quite carefully, trying to discern the trick which kept her fast to the face of the bluff. As she reached the drift of sand piled against the base of the cliff, he greeted her, “Why that was… er, wow… your descent… my lady, you are quite uncanny!”

“Uncanny?” she replied. “Why yes, yes I am! And you are?”

“Ah—”

At this point, the Canadian’s eye was caught by a hedgehog scurrying across the dune, and his features assumed a peculiar, melty expression as he continued, “Aww… adorable…”

And thus did meet Uncanny Girlfriend and Adorable Canadian.

As they walked together up the strand, the Canadian turned briefly to wave at the Sea of Pork.

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13 Responses to “Plover Rocks the House!”

  1. blue girl Says:

    That was awesome!

    And so, so uncannily adorable.

    Can I post it on my blog today — with full credit and some linky love back to this bolus of junkitude?

    🙂

  2. plover Says:

    bg: No problem as far as I’m concerned. 🙂

  3. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    As long as Plover has no problem-o. Plover, you gotta start writing for this blog. You are the kewlest of the kewl.

  4. blue girl Says:

    This is so great. Ok. I’m going to do my post now.

    Might take me a little bit.

  5. The Uncanny Canadian Says:

    That was golden, plover. Ah, the sea of pork. How I miss its briny tides and rindy shores. Hark, a hedgehog. I must pursue it, sonic as its speed be.

  6. blue girl Says:

    My love bird post is up lovey-doveys!

    Heart out!

  7. Pinko Punko Says:

    I get scared sometimes that plover is a finite resource and will be expended. I treasure plover.

    The best line was about AG being prone upon the sward. This is awesome in something like infinity ways.

  8. So These People Named Their Smokey Dog at Three Bulls! Says:

    […] …Pugsley. So it’s kind of the reverse of the Three Bulls! situation. However, this is funny. The blue ball as Death Star. So innocent, yet so menacing. Also, 1 million points to plover for this short story set in the Three B! universe. I think it’s lacking AG’s despoiling of some Hobbits’s virtue. Note the plural. […]

  9. almostinfamous Says:

    oh man, why am i always away when something like this destroys the blogosphere?

  10. blue girl Says:

    Did anyone even read my romantic post about UC and AG?

    UC and AG didn’t even show up — I think I’m going to have to prone them both upon the sward!!!!

  11. Brando Says:

    That was incredible.

    Congrats to UC and AG. May the sward swooning continue.

  12. Yosef Says:

    That was a great tale of Unadorable!

  13. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    Yo Yo, watch it!

    BG, we’ve been away on vacation. We’re sorry!

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