It’s Getting Pathetic


Is it a full moon this week? Emu mating season, bootylicious month or some other fakakta holiday? AG is on a business trip this week, as will be most of the case this month — you kids are in for a treat later in the month — and staying in a hotel. Whenever staying in a hotel, AG tries to hit the exercise room. AG is making a concerted effort to lose weight and workout. AG’s never has a hard time with either, once the decision is made. A certain someone knows when he jumped the shark and made it clear that not only was the decision made, but AG is going to rub every BP reading is his face because of what he said that fateful morning. At the very least, it should make her marketable in case she has to kick said person to the curb for being a cobag or she gets sweeped off her feet by Dr. Sol, (a real Jewish doctor) her not so secret lover. Yes, AG loves the Italian inside of her that kicks ass and takes names in the face of a pseudo challenge that is brought on in one’s own head. It’s a game that AG and Parker Lewis never lose. (Insert image of AG breaking a bread stick with her forehead.)

After an evening of work e-mails and shopping, AG schleps to the gym. There is a middle age man on the stationary bike and Fox News. Great, a simpleton watching Fox News. Hope he doesn’t have some sort of ischemic event. AG is not seeing patients tonight, especially the Fox watching type. AG already has her iPod on is G to G. AG doesn’t even look at him. About five minutes into the workout, catch him talking to AG out of the corner of my eye. Guess he doesn’t understand one cannot hear with an iPod. (Ya know, his kids probably have one so he should know this.) AG pushs pause and he says, “Which is better, this machine or that one?” What am I? Richard effin’ Simmons? AG replies, “Not sure. I don’t like to bike indoors, so I always run instead.” He continues talking as AG straps back on the iPod. Afterall, he’s not AG’s hot fitness instructor or anything useful and AG already has an adorable boyfriend.

He’s kind of lurking around while AG has her run and cool down. At one point he’s clearly trying to push his limits on the bike. It’s unclear why. Another guy comes in and the first guy has a deflated look. Again AG is baffled given it’s another middle aged guy except this one is a muscle head. Either way, AG has a cute boy flying home from California tonight. Whatever is on the mind as AG goes back to looking at herself in the mirror because afterall, it is AG. Muscle head leaves and the other one is pacing in front of the door. Even Stevie Wonder can now see what’s going on here. It’s always extra weird when it happens in a hotel because there is a sexual innuendo because it’s one big sleep over, afterall. This theory was tested and proven in Baltimore a few years ago with the elevator PJ incident that will never happen again or be shared.

This is #3 (#2 isn’t worthy of your time) in two days. Is AG some sort of Carrie Bradshaw now with the older men? For whatever reason, older men have always been the suitors of AG. AG doesn’t need another daddy. When AG broke up with Jerkwad-the-asspirate-stalker (JAS), AG vowed to never date again out of her generation and as always, never younger. Is that too hard for the rest of the world to understand? Geesh.


11 Responses to “It’s Getting Pathetic”

  1. Chuckles Says:

    I hope not to offend anybody, but I know someone male who was definitely the target of a surprising amount of surprisingly older person’s attention. Like his mom’s age older. This person called me for guidance and I said, at least someone is flirting with you. This did not help his situation. I told my friend to relax and that the worst that would happen was he would get flirted with for a while and then be able to go home and forget the whole thing. Except that he had called me and I will never forget the event.

    I am a cruel bastard.

  2. Brando Says:

    AG, you clearly have the kavorka.

  3. dontEATnachos Says:

    AG, if it makes you feel any better I’ve gotten hit on at the regular gym before. I guess it’s more flattering and less skeezy if it’s a girl that’s hitting on you (or a nice gay guy).

    I’ve always found that hotel workout rooms are crap anyway (of course I don’t stay at nice hotels though). The last one I was at had a wiggly seat that wouldn’t stay at the right height while biking and a treadmill that would just randomly quit after a couple minutes … there were a couple exciting potential injuries there.

    Plus, I love it when people bring their kids with them to the workout room … yeah, that’s fun.

    Regarding crazy old men, just try talking to yourself while you run. Perhaps saying crazy things about your cats. That will make them leave you alone.

    Also, Chuckles is not referring to me in his earlier post. I just felt a need to make that clear. My friends moms’ never respond to my advances at the gym.

  4. Adorable Girlfriend Says:

    LOL, dEn! AG never thought it was you. It was Chuckles hitting on Fullie’s mom.

  5. Chuckles Says:

    I will never tell, but it was no blogger making the advances. Just so we are clear.

    I never get hit on at the gym. I guess I could increase the chances of that happening by going to a gym instead of turning my apartment into one.

    Gyms are bad for me, though. I would pay 30 bucks a month and then get home and tell myself that it is too much of a hassle to go and then I wouldn’t go ever, but I would keep paying because I would keep telling myself, etc.

  6. fish Says:

    Perhaps if you bring a Ken doll with you and argue with it while you work out. Try comments like “Shut up Ken! I am not FAT! or Tell me who you have been sleeping with Ken! It better not be that slut Barbie Bling bling!

  7. almostinfamous Says:

    what’s a gym?

  8. Kevin Wolf Says:

    So, AG, you kicked this guy’s ass, right?

  9. Clif Says:

    There is nothing sadder than middle-aged guys who turn into hotel gym and bar Lotharios because their wife is back in Des Moines. This behavior might be considerably curtailed if hotels were required to install full-length mirrors on inside of the room door so that they would be forced to get a gander of themselves just before they go out on the prowl.

  10. Snag Says:

    You make me cry! I was going to trim my ear hair for you!!

  11. Sex Chat Says:

    Very nice blog indeed, I like it and hope to share some information later, in the meantime i will subscribe to your rss feed to stay updated

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