Archive for the ‘ass piracy!’ Category

Male = Pig!

August 21, 2006


AG is meeting with a new client today. It’s a great client in the sunshine state. He’s a nice Jewish boy (UC should worry) who treats elderly cardiac patients. While instructing the nursing staff on data capture, a male patient of about 65 years strolls by AG’s office. The nurse says,

“Where are you going?”

Patient replies:

“To check out the blonde.”

Sorry, don’t care if you are dying this very moment or you’re old or you think it’s a compliment or whatever goes through your pea brain. You are not excused for calling AG “the blonde” or for checking her out, you pig!

This is the final straw. AG is off men! UC, I am going to leave you for a cute little lipstick lesbian who sports a perky smile.


Code Blue, Code Yellow, Code HELP!

July 12, 2006


We have a situation. No seriously, we have a situation! AG is cruising the blogs, as she usually does, instead of finding meaningful work. A trip over to our beloved Bossy’s website turns up something very interesting in comments. Take a look here.

AG did not now or ever post this comment. At first AG wondered if it was UC or something since we share computers now and again. Not likely since the link for the imposter AG goes to an e-mail never used by the real AG.

AG is calling for a full-on investigation. Nobody wants another fake Phronk situation here.

How Strong Was That Vodka?

July 8, 2006

Because he wanted to “lick him like a kitten”

Disturbing on so many levels.  And I totally suck at putting YouTube stuff up on here.  But hey…it leaves more room for Res to pimp RoD stuff.

Update to Driving Post

June 4, 2006


The world and media follow AG around. The proof?  See the article here about a recent survey that suggests that 1 in 11 Americans would fail a state driving exam, if given one tomorrow. 

Be sure to take that test.  AG scored 100%! (No lie!)

1,500 more sent to death…

May 30, 2006

Media reported today that 1,500 reserve troops are going to Iraq.  Great.  When will those little chicken hawks Jenna and Babs be on the planes? If Dum Dum wants to continue an unjust war, that’s fine.  He can pay for it with his own money and family.  AG, the taxpayer and his biggest funder, is out of this one.  Done.  Finished.  The bank is closed.



{sauce me up, baby!}

May 25, 2006

Did anyone see Iron Chef America this week?  With Iron Chef Mario Batali taking on challenger Ludovic Lefebvre?

First, I must confess to having said some fairly unkind things about Chef Batali in the past.  Something about being a “sweaty sack of dough” or some such unpleasantness.  But no matter!  I am here today to tell you that Chef Batali has become not only my favorite of the American Iron Chefs (that’s easy when you’re in a group that includes that horrible little cave-gnome Bobby Flay and world-renowned sushi-whore Masaharu Morimoto), but more generally one of my favorite food authorities.

Batali’s reasonably restrained and understated approach  is easily overlooked in a contemporary food scene marked by extreme (if not ridiculous) innovation and technical sophistication more at home in the laboratory than in the kitchen.  That’s unfortunate, because if you overlook Batali, you’d miss out on one critical fact:  Mario Batali knows food.  He knows food in a deep and contextual way that very few people do.  He knows food like lovers know each other’s bodies.  You can see this kind of detailed, attentive, passionate understanding of food on display in an article entitled “Mario’s Excellent Adventure: Five Days in Bologna, 62 Courses” in the April issue of Gourmet magazine.*  Really, though, you can see it in his cooking on Iron Chef.  Eschew the flash of the challenger.  Mario will lead you on the true path.

He stuck to that path in this week’s Battle: Tuna, and the contrast between his deep mastry and the flashier constructions in vogue among many chefs today could not have been more clear.

The challenger was smolderingly naughty-looking frenchman Ludovic Levebvre, lately of L’Orangerie and now at Bastide:

This is a man who, to be perfectly frank, is welcome to sex me up in whatever way he sees fit, wherever he so desires and at a time or times of his choosing.  The two chefs who assisted him on Iron Chef are more than welcome to join in the extremely hot man-on-man-on-man-on-man-on-Res-Publica action.

That said, I will say that most of poor Ludo’s dishes turned out pretty crappy.  Some of them were, like, unpleasantly hard to chew.  That’s the sort of basic party-foul you don’t really expect from a famous chef, especially one with such a rakish grin and those delicious bedroom eyes and…sorry, what was I saying?  Anyway.  He was clearly severely taxed by the 1-hour format, but even putting aside the artificial constraints of the show’s structure, his food seemed long on ideas and short on execution.  It was conceptually intriguing.  Maybe even provocative.  You certainly won’t be getting any tuna served with white chocolate puree and roasted black olives at Chez Res Publica, but who knows?  It might be brilliant.

Unfortunately, some of his other clever ideas were pretty painfully weak in the execution department.  Perhaps, Dear Reader, there is a way to transmogrify the flesh of the happless tuna fish into light, crispy wafers.  I don’t know what that way might be, but I could have told Ludo in advance that pounding toro into thin sheets and deep-frying them isn’t it.  that’s a recipe for tuna leather, and you’re probably not surprised to hear that the judges didn’t ask for seconds.

This post has evolved into a review of sorts, but I originally sat down to clarify two points:

1.  Mario Batali rocks, and I was a cobag to mock his sweaty corpulence, and

2. Ludo Lefebvre can stick it in.  Your tuna chips sucked it, Ludo, but there’s always a place for you in our hearts (and beds!) here at the Republic.
* I have subscribed to Gourmet since the 80’s, and I am sorry to say that it has grown increasingly craptacular under initially-hopeful but increasingly-ridiculous editorial leadership of Ruth Reichl.

Effing Hotels of NYC

May 17, 2006

Quick rant because it’s late and AG is on her last classes before graduation.  This weekend is graduation weekend for many of the schools in NYC: Columbia, NYU, New School, and Yeshiva, etc. etc.  Naturally all the hotels are booked.  Good thing AG booked her hotel a month ago.  At a killer low rate. (Remember, the NY house is persona non grata now that it’s been rented to a nice family).  AG schleps on the bus, because UC is all about the cheap factor, from New England.  This is after working a full day and addressing a patient walking around possibly having a silent heart attack.  AG has to explain 200 times to the client physician why fraction is important and troponin tests need to be ordered.  Hello, are we not a physician?  (See below post to understand what it’s like to be AG). Oh right, back to the bus.  Bus ride is a post for tomorrow!  AG is not riding shotgun with that crowd again.

Bus arrives late after we stop at Roy Rogers and someone gets hit by a car in front of the restaurant.  Kid you not!  Like can you hit people with your automobile some other time, folks? AG is on a deadline. The police have to speak to everyone on the bus and ensure the victim is not one of our people.  Nope. Not. No. Fine, fine, fine.  30 minutes later, we are out of New Haven.  Arrive at Port Authority late and AG schleps across town to the hotel.

Subway stop is about five LONG blocks from the train.  Whatevs.  “Hello, Ma’am”  That was how Ahmed started.  Ahmed proceeds to tell AG he has no reservation.  Oh, but you do, AG quips back with.  After a call to the 800 number, because AG is a priority guest because well, you know how AG is, the hotel will be paying to send AG elsewhere tonight because they messed up royally and are full.  Steve from Salt Lake City informed AG this will be dealt with accordingly.

Ahmed is trying to tell ole Stevie from the 800 number, he cannot do anything.  My guy said that basically this is the top of the top guests and AG needs to be taken care of.  That means taxi and her room rate honored elsewhere.  As AG is calling to tell the story to UC on her loaned cell phone because stupid cannot send a phone from Lexington, KY in faster than six days and about 10 “bite me(s)” under AG’s breathe, a cancellation gets called in.   This is afer AG’s informed her reservation was actually canceled. Why? The credit card was no good at 6PM.  Hmmm?  It works at midnight and no charges have been made all day.

Ahmed proceeds to put AG in the room at a higher rate and thinks he’s doing the world a favor.  To which AG informed him she doesn’t blame him, but if he thinks that AG’s credit card is going to give milk at the end of the stay, then he has about as much chance as an illegal immigrant, on a hot stick day roaming about Crawford, TX looking to get lucky with a blonde bimbo named ‘Jenna’. 

Moral of the story: Cobag hotels suck!

Come out, Come out!

May 11, 2006


No Butchie, this isn’t a gay post.  Though, it could be.

Res Publica, Resident King of RoD and binge blogger, has not been seen in days.  He’s become the new Jexter

And Midniter?  Where is our sweet little hottie Midniter?  Is he off with Res involved in debauchery and naughty? T-bone, never leave us…

Boys, it’s Mother’s Day weekend.  How about a little love for Mom and the kiddies of RoD?  At the very least, can we get some Res family baby pictures?

Work Blows

May 10, 2006

I actually have to work today.  Can you imagine?  It was 10:15 AM before I actually read the blog. 




April 5, 2006


AG is in love.  Love, love, love!  Mr. Cut and Paste himself has his boyfriend doing his dirty work these days.  Wait, Stevie Wonderless might have actually wrote his own post.  Or not.  Steve ranted today about Chuckles and Adorable Girlfriend at Shoot Sean and Camp-Save the Good Guys.  

He visits Chuckie’s blog to rip on Chuckie. Finding astute comments that would require him to look up pedestrian words like ‘plebian’ or ‘cobag’ or ‘inept’, he goes for what he believes to be the less arduous option.  He cuts and pastes AG’s call-out of Sean’s antics to Smarty Pants. He does a beautiful job cuting and pasting comments. Another fine job done by the munchwagons at S.A.L. (Simple and Lame).  In honor of Stevie, AG will do the same and put the little ass monkey to sleep once and for all.

 Steve Writes:

 I decided to read his blog and find the asanine quote of the day in here to share with you all when I found this comment to a post about Sean:

Adorable Girlfriend says: Smarty, Sean is this major, major cobag. His address: That pretty much says it all.

However, he likes to cut and paste others comments, doesn’t reference, edits his posts or comments to correct what you rip on him for and generally a sad guy.

The sad part is you know he’s working class like all the rest of us and hating on the good guys. Somehow having guns and killing people takes away the oppression for him. He could be a really good guy if he was more educated and hung about with better people then Tony from, Jermturd and Steve-the-ass-pirate.

Now, while the jury is out on just what exactly a “cobag” is, I can see that Adorable Girlfriend-like her buddy Chuckles-is nothing more than another run of the mill hate-filled lefty. Which explains her keeping the kind of company she keeps.

How does he come to determine that AG is hate filled? In fact, AG gave Sean credit.  It was Jermturd and Stevie-ass-pirate that she called on the carpet. What speaking truth that Sean cuts and pastes stuff, which he does or that Steve is a moron, which he is, is hate now?  If that’s how it’s determined then yes, almost all Democrats are hate filled because we don’t live in glass bubbles of lies.  Stevie can talk to his boy toy Delay if he has any questions on what it means to handle the truth.  Truth and hate are two very separate things.  Then again, love probably oozes from a site called, “Shoot a Liberal”.  Oh the humanity.  AG digresses…

Now, let’s look a little more deeply into her comment here.

She first calls Sean a cobag. A quick swing by says that a “cobag” is short for a colostomy bag. Or, if you’re from the South like I’m originally from, a s*%tbag. Last time I checked, Sean is neither a colostomy nor a s*%tbag. Since I’m sure that colostomy/s*%tbags can neither walk, talk, nor vote (and if they did I’m pretty sure they’d vote Democrat), he can be neither of these things.

Yes, they’d vote Democrat because they are intelligent unlike Mr. Pecan Pie.

Next she parrots the same ol’ Chuckles “cut-and-paste” line. Joy, oh joy! You see, we’re seeing the typical Democratic technique of “the talking point” here. It’s simply the old saying “if you say it enough then it must be true” being put to good (or in this case, evil) use. I think this is a case of Chuckles’ jealousy of Sean and his blog. Not only does it look better, smell better (a lot less patchouli), but Sean has three top-notch writers while Chuckles can only write about how he hates blogging drunk and how it’s Wal Mart’s responsibility to ensure the whole world has healthcare coverage. A pity. She also calls him a “sad guy.” I’ve known Sean for a while, and he doesn’t seem sad. He seems rather content and happy with his life.

Who are the three top notch writers? When we see some writers who actually can write and have anything meaningful to say, RoD would be happy to host a blogging spot for them.  Also, he might want to re-read AG’s use of the word sad and take two minutes to look up how the word can be used in the dictionary. 

Moving on now, she then begins a little leftist class warfare. While Sean, FM, and I are all three hard-working, middle-class Americans, we apparently are traitors to the working class because we hate on “the good guys.” I properly dissected and countered said message in Chuckles’ comments section like so:

AG loves how he pats himself on the back for his well done cut and paste dissection from the Chuckie-love blog.

Steve the Pirate said: You see, the “good guys,” as you label them, are for taking more money out of my pocket and giving it to people who are too lazy to get up and get a job. They’re not disadvantaged, they’re not downtrodden, they’re lazy. Plain and simple. The real “good guys” are the ones who cut my taxes so I keep more of my hard-earned money in my wallet, work to eliminate welfare and the socialist society it inevitably creates, and keeps nutbags from blowing up my family (don’t repeat the Michael Moore line that I’m not in any danger; I have a USAF base right in my backyard which any al Qaeda hoser would love to bomb).

Just in case you’re curious, that AF base is Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Fairborn, Ohio.

 I’m sorry, how has Bush or your OH pal, Dave Hobson reduced your taxes Stevie?  He’s right, the supposedly lazy people are the ones who are bankrupting America.  Let me see here, is it the $10.8 Billion that the Ohio State website boasts in 2004 that went to Ohio Medicaid programs that is bankrupting his state? Perhaps it was the war in Iraq that is estimated to have cost the Ohio taxpayer $7.8 BILLION during a two year period. 
Now of course Stevie will proclaim the war is costing him less so he wins the conversation.  He’d yell out again for us that it’s those deadbeats on Medicaid. All those lazy people, unlike him. Yes, the over 1 million children, the 24% of the total coverees who are blind or physicially disabled and those 500,000 adults, mostly moms who got duked by the patriarchy are the root of the problem. Those lazy little children going to school to learn math and grow up strong so they can go to  college, get educated and vote Democrat.  We’ll work on getting them jobs next week Steve-o.  Do you have any openings at a work wage at the radio station?

How many weapons of mass destruction (WMD) have been found in Iraq vs. how many lives were saved by physicians in Ohio?  One terrorist attack in all the years that the US has been a nation and suddenly $10.8 billion a year makes sense to him.  You know, because all the lives lost in Iraq make up for the approximately 3,000 lost in NYC.  Now there is some good rightmunchwagon thinking.  Bravo and G&D Bless America.

Then again some of those babies stealing his tax dollars wouldn’t have been born if education was made available to people, things like condoms and birth control pills were available and free and abortion was safe, afordable and available to all.  Yet, folks like Stevie are too busy taking those services away to free up money for the war and that 50 cents in tax reductions they are going to get.  Hey Stevie, how big was your tax reduction from your friends at the White House this year?  Maybe next year we won’t provide you healthcare.  Oh right, you probably get it at work. Another fine thing from your friends in Washington provide you because it’s a right off to your employer. 

        Moving on now.

Folks, it doesn’t stop there! She then opens full ad hominem as she not only accuses  Sean of being uneducated, but also accuses yours truly of being a homosexual. I can’t speak for Sean’s level of education, but I do know that Sean is one of the most intelligent men I have ever met. As for my sexual preference (it seems that Chuckles and his crew is obsessed with said sexual preference), you may want to ask my wife about that. Anyway.

AG didn’t accuse.  AG stated for the record. 

Furthermore, he’s so wingnut on this one. Yes, AG has a problem with sexuality.  AG is a non practicing lesbian. The mere fact that he needs his wife to “prove” his manhood unmasks his homophobia.  How taking his name and calling him an ass is homphobic, one has to wonder.   Is he not an ass and his name is Steve the Pirate? 

Yep, he is the most profound writer on the Internet right after THYCWOTI!  (He’ll have to look that up on Urban Dictionary too now).

Love that “anyway” is an argument now.  “Fuck You” is an argument.  Anyway is merely a word. Blue Girl will have to speak with her peeps in the rust belt.

As you can see, this is what we’re dealing with. This is why men like Sean, FM, and  myself are here, to keep you informed of not only what happens in the world, but to also show you the nature of the enemy-in all their hatred, moaning, crying, and foaming-at-the-mouth-in this ideological conflict. As long as they’re out there, we’ll be right behind them exposing them for what they truly are.

Oh yes, AG is the hate filled enemy.  Like good ‘ole Boston Creme Pie. It’s not his boys in Iraq anymore.  It’s AG. AG who packs heat, shoots people in the face and has two brats that drink underage.  Yes, AG is the moral bad fiber of society and is on the level with folks like Bin Laden.  I think Stevie should quit his job at the radio station and work for the FBI or CIA.  He clearly has the intelligence they could use down at these organizations.

We at RoD and all the Democrats are right here waiting to yet again prove why America is at risk.  The risk is not WMD, it’s Morons of Mass Destruction (MMD).  MMD would be Stevie and the monkeys he parades around with in a vain attempt to gain their manly powers back because clearly they don’t have any, especially in the intelligence and debating gene pool.  It’s really sad that these boys have the patriarchy and still have AG holding it for them while they try to piss.