Archive for the ‘can we talk?’ Category

Did Hell Freeze Over When I Wasn’t Looking?

August 22, 2006

That’s the only way that I can think to explain this.  And I totally missed this a couple of months ago.  I’m waiting for the right-wing nut job religious fanatics to start protesting this and organizing a boycott of Wally World.  Not because of all the other horrible shit that they do, but because now they’re going to be involved with Teh Gays.


Question #2

August 18, 2006

Honest answer again, please:

When does one change the sheets in one’s spare bedroom?

A. After each guest leaves and before the next arrive
B. After two unrelated guests have slept on the bed
C. Never, it’s all about the global warming and free love
D. Spare bedroom? AG, the maid does that.

Seriously, AG needs to take this one to a vote.

Pot Isn’t That Expensive

July 30, 2006

C’mon now….even the cheapest bag of schwag has gotta be better than huffing mothballs. 

How Strong Was That Vodka?

July 8, 2006

Because he wanted to “lick him like a kitten”

Disturbing on so many levels.  And I totally suck at putting YouTube stuff up on here.  But hey…it leaves more room for Res to pimp RoD stuff.

Strange Moments

July 4, 2006


We’re driving along last night after taking rental PupAG on a nice walk to the footbridge over the bay and having dinner at the above location. (No, that’s not us in the picture.) As we pass Richdale Market, AG spots UC waving to the market. Seriously, the boy has waved and uttered “hello” at this little edifice that is a local market. AG has to know:

AG: Honey, did you just wave?

UC: Yes.

AG: Are you nuts or something.

UC: Sweetheart, I love that place. They gave us free donuts and those yummy russet potato Cape Cod chips. Free donuts!

AG: That is fakakta and it’s going on the blog.

UC: Yummy.

Seriously, AG wonders if AG should become a food psychiatrist and treat folks like this. Waving at a market that gave you a free donut is seriously freakish.

Nice Work If You Can Get It

June 28, 2006

Sunday night, I went out with some friends to one of the local gay bars to hang out before one of them went back to Houston.  For almost as long as I can remember, Sunday has been one of the big nights for drag here with “Super Sunday Shows”.  I’m not entirely sure what it is, but when people from other Texas cities come here, they all know or have heard of the local drag queens here.  It used to be that whenever one of the daytime “talk shows” needed a female impersonator for whatever reason, they would come find them here.

One of the more prominent performers here is Shady Lady.  Shady has been around since I started going out to the bars 10 years ago, and given that she’s 54, she’s been around for a while (she told us all at the show her age).  So Sunday night, she came out and did one of the usual lipsynching numbers to kick off the show (she’s the emcee) and raised $27 dollars.  Almost enough for a tank of gas, but really, not enough money to justify getting into a dress, heels, and more makeup than Tammy Faye. 

So Shady brought out her secret weapon: The Roll.

Every fag in San Antonio knows about The Roll.  It’s Shady’s signature move and people LOVE it.  Something about watching a 50+ year old drag queen rolling around on the ground brings out the cash.  We won’t pay cover at a bar, but we’ll break out $20 to get Shady to do this.  Telling us that we were going to have to pay to see her do it brought in another $130, and this was on a night when the crowd was kind of dead.  On nights when it’s packed, I’ve seen her bring in more than $200.  At Pride a few years ago, bitch brought in a TON of money for being willing to roll around in the grass.  So for maybe 2 minutes of rolling on the dance floor in the bar, she made $65 a minute.

I need a signature move that will pay me like that.

Possible Future Husband

June 12, 2006


While “working”, found this little gem of a website.

Perhaps this little Israeli is AG’s calling, though he must be willing to allow AG to relocate:

Hi! My username is Yonatan. I am a 34-year old Male from Raanana, Israel. I am 5′ 10″ (about 1.80 m) tall, have brown eyes, black hair and my build is Average. I have never been married and I have no children. I grew up in Palo Alto, California. My highest level of education is college, and by profession I am a(n) editor.

I am of Ashkenazi descent. I was raised Orthodox, and now I consider myself Modern ORTHODOX. In terms of dress, casual frum, kippa srugah, tzizit tucked in, clean shaven. I daven daily with a minyan and I learn Torah more than once a week. My secular political beliefs are not sure and with regard to Israel my political beliefs are somewhere in the middle. I am definitely in making Aliyah.

I will consider relocating, and will consider travelling for a date.
I never smoke and have an alcoholic beverage never.

On our date, please don’t talk on the cell phone to someone else, talk about other boyfriends, talk about your gym

I chose Modern ORTHODOX because: I don’t like those people who do just the minimum (shabbat, kashrut, and wear a kippah) there is more to being religious than that – it is an everyday thing!.

My most prominent character trait (or quirk) is: good sense of humor.

If you asked me to describe myself I would say: nice guy with a sense of humor, I think commitment to torah and mitzvot is important

If you plan on contacting me, I hope you are: nice, english speaking, modern religious woman in her 20’s or early 30’s who lives in Israel and wants to stay in Israel

I prefer reading People Magazine over Newsweek and taking a leisurely stroll rather than jogging. I’d rather spend a sunday at Wax Museum as opposed to The Met. I shop because I have to. I live to eat. A walk in the rain will ruin my hair. I claim that I am allergic to pets, and I always prefer Coke over Pepsi.

A fun date would include: The movies, A Broadway play, Miniature golf

If I ever get take a vacation, it would include: Lounge chairs, suntan lotion, and a cocktail

If you don’t want to bore me, start a conversation about: Shul Presidential Election, Torah, Movies, Celebrity dating fluctuations

If you want to understand my family, think: The Simpsons, Family Vacations, T.V. Dinner

One last thing: Favorite movie quote: Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura, Pet Detective – “If I’m not back in 5 minutes — wait longer!”.

AG is looking and liking!

Venting Post

June 1, 2006


AG has to vent for a moment.  There is a four way intersection at the office.  The intersection crosses between a shopping plaza, the work complex and a major street.  When AG took driver’s instructions the rules went a little something like this:

1. Green light means go.  Red light means stop.  Green arrow means you have the right of way without a doubt.  Solid green light, without arrow means you can go straight, but must yield to those going straight if you are crossing into their lane to make a turn.  It makes sense, you cannot cross traffic without yielding to those going straight.  They own the lane before you do…

Why then when grandpa tried to turn, cutting AG off when she was going straight into the shopping plaza, did he call her an “asshole”? 

AG is so over people who make mistakes and don’t know wtf they are doing and then blame everyone else.  It’s become the American way. We see it in Washington and court cases day after day.  Why not average citizens too? AG is tired of trash mouths in her space, people who have too many kids, people who “discipline” their children in stores, people who take no responsibility for their actions whatsoever, Republicans, men who think they can control women, etc, etc, etc.

The next time someone calls AG an “asshole” for driving according to the driver’s manual, is the next time AG chases that MOFO down with her car. 

 Oh and check this bullshit blog out.  This should be good for a punching bag.


May 29, 2006

AG worked today.  AG’s adminstrative assistant, Chatty Cathy worked today as well.  AG was good to Cathy and let her go on and on about the same stuff we’ve all heard about 200 times before.  It was early and AG wasn’t awake enough to know to hide in her office with the door and shades drawn. Somehow we got to talking about Canada.  As AG said something, Chatty turns to AG and uttered, “I thought Canada was part of the United States.  People always say that.  You mean, it’s not?”

This is proof that there are people who shop at Wal-Mart, vote for Bushtard and are part of the geography impaired high school GED work force.  It’s great to live in a super power nation with such intelligence.


{sauce me up, baby!}

May 25, 2006

Did anyone see Iron Chef America this week?  With Iron Chef Mario Batali taking on challenger Ludovic Lefebvre?

First, I must confess to having said some fairly unkind things about Chef Batali in the past.  Something about being a “sweaty sack of dough” or some such unpleasantness.  But no matter!  I am here today to tell you that Chef Batali has become not only my favorite of the American Iron Chefs (that’s easy when you’re in a group that includes that horrible little cave-gnome Bobby Flay and world-renowned sushi-whore Masaharu Morimoto), but more generally one of my favorite food authorities.

Batali’s reasonably restrained and understated approach  is easily overlooked in a contemporary food scene marked by extreme (if not ridiculous) innovation and technical sophistication more at home in the laboratory than in the kitchen.  That’s unfortunate, because if you overlook Batali, you’d miss out on one critical fact:  Mario Batali knows food.  He knows food in a deep and contextual way that very few people do.  He knows food like lovers know each other’s bodies.  You can see this kind of detailed, attentive, passionate understanding of food on display in an article entitled “Mario’s Excellent Adventure: Five Days in Bologna, 62 Courses” in the April issue of Gourmet magazine.*  Really, though, you can see it in his cooking on Iron Chef.  Eschew the flash of the challenger.  Mario will lead you on the true path.

He stuck to that path in this week’s Battle: Tuna, and the contrast between his deep mastry and the flashier constructions in vogue among many chefs today could not have been more clear.

The challenger was smolderingly naughty-looking frenchman Ludovic Levebvre, lately of L’Orangerie and now at Bastide:

This is a man who, to be perfectly frank, is welcome to sex me up in whatever way he sees fit, wherever he so desires and at a time or times of his choosing.  The two chefs who assisted him on Iron Chef are more than welcome to join in the extremely hot man-on-man-on-man-on-man-on-Res-Publica action.

That said, I will say that most of poor Ludo’s dishes turned out pretty crappy.  Some of them were, like, unpleasantly hard to chew.  That’s the sort of basic party-foul you don’t really expect from a famous chef, especially one with such a rakish grin and those delicious bedroom eyes and…sorry, what was I saying?  Anyway.  He was clearly severely taxed by the 1-hour format, but even putting aside the artificial constraints of the show’s structure, his food seemed long on ideas and short on execution.  It was conceptually intriguing.  Maybe even provocative.  You certainly won’t be getting any tuna served with white chocolate puree and roasted black olives at Chez Res Publica, but who knows?  It might be brilliant.

Unfortunately, some of his other clever ideas were pretty painfully weak in the execution department.  Perhaps, Dear Reader, there is a way to transmogrify the flesh of the happless tuna fish into light, crispy wafers.  I don’t know what that way might be, but I could have told Ludo in advance that pounding toro into thin sheets and deep-frying them isn’t it.  that’s a recipe for tuna leather, and you’re probably not surprised to hear that the judges didn’t ask for seconds.

This post has evolved into a review of sorts, but I originally sat down to clarify two points:

1.  Mario Batali rocks, and I was a cobag to mock his sweaty corpulence, and

2. Ludo Lefebvre can stick it in.  Your tuna chips sucked it, Ludo, but there’s always a place for you in our hearts (and beds!) here at the Republic.
* I have subscribed to Gourmet since the 80’s, and I am sorry to say that it has grown increasingly craptacular under initially-hopeful but increasingly-ridiculous editorial leadership of Ruth Reichl.