Archive for the ‘I hate you so bad’ Category

Blue Elf Needs Food Badly

June 14, 2006

I think that some of you are probably right about how long this fast is going to last.  I’m totally ready to give up on it right now.  Maybe it’s the maple syrup, but I’ve got a really bad hankering for pancakes. 

Damn Res for making me post that I was going to do this!  If I hadn’t, I could go and make some banana walnut pancakes right now.  But no, I’m stubborn and I’m not going to give in!

Unless I get a job tomorrow.  Then I’m all about celebrating by going out to dinner.

Great Whores of American Journalism: Campaign 2008

May 24, 2006

First in an Ongoing Series

right in my mouth, Senator!

Laura Blumenfeld: Clueless Fuckwit, or Pervert Monkey-Lover?

If you were perhaps thinking that 2006 is a little early for the Washington Post and NY Times, the two great brothels of the eastern access-whore establishment, to start bashing Democrats and blowing Republicans – well, Dear Reader, think again! It’s NEVER too early to get a head-start on ensuring the maintenance of the whore-friendly status quo that the whores helped to bring about in 2000, helped to continue in 2004, and are hell-bent on extending in 2008.

To whit, behold the NY Times taking a probing and timely look at the intimate lives of the President and First Lady. What kind of freakish dysfunction lies behind the placid façade? I can’t WAIT to find out!

My, but we DO so love our pills!

Photograph courtesy of my new favorite website

Not THAT President, silly buttons! He’s our Daddy! No, we’re talking about THIS President, the hillbilly sex-maniac with the dyke wife. His nightmarish eight-year reign of peace and prosperity nearly bored us to death before he gave us all new a hobby by having tEh sExXx0r!

We come fer yer daughter, Chuck!

 

So anyway, yeah. This year we’re gonna party like it’s 1995!

From the Capital City Whorehouse, we have this rather astonishing combo blowjob-rimjob piece from little Miss Laura Blumenfeld, who straps on her official-issue Washington Post knee-pads and hits the pavement to give Bill Frist the tongue-lashingbath of a lifetime in a soft-core “human intrest story” that should have been called “Post Reporter Overpowered By Frist’s Blood-Drenched, Monkey-Scented Manliness, Forced To Gobble Senate Majority Leader’s Knob”. Or maybe just “Monkey Business”?

Frist listened to the heart; the gorilla’s lub-dub sounded human. “When you’re this close, you feel this kind of oneness with them,” Frist said. The stink of ape sweat and gorilla testosterone soaked his hair and clothes. “Gorillas, people, men.”

BLLAGGHHHHHHHRRHRHRGGGAAAAAHHH!!
Oh, excuse me. I was just vomiting. Moving right along.

In medical school, Frist cut out a dog’s heart and held it in his palm. It continued to beat for a slippery minute.
“Watching it beat, the beauty of it,” Frist recalled. “I decided I would spend my life centered around the heart.”

You know, I think I’ve read something like that before. In the opening chapters of an Ann Rule novel! RUN AWAY, CHILDREN! RUN!

But enough with the senseless slaughter of man’s best friend. Let’s get back to Laura Blumenfeld’s every-moistening panties!

Frist joined the team, as he had on other mornings, tying on a mask. He unbuttoned his business shirt, revealing jungle-pattern surgical scrubs and a pair of hairy, toned biceps.

Then he gazed into her dark, vulnerable eyes and proclaimed in his husky voice, “I’m Dr. Thrustingood, and I’ll be your new gynecologist.” That novel had FABIO on the cover, Dear Reader! Good times.

Anyway, let me wrap up with the shorter Laura Blumenfeld: Republicans possess a more natural and authentic manhood, as evidenced by my schoolgirl giddiness around some old white guy who smells like monkeys.

Something had changed inside of the beast while he slept. Frist smiled and spoke unremarkably from the lectern, reeking of silverback testosterone.

Looks like WaPo and the Gray Harlot have already made their picks for 2006 and 2008, and I’m sure they sincerely hope you’ll enjoy another eight years of having sophomoric soft-core porn like this shoved down your throat with a meat-hose labeled “Political Coverage”.

Chuckles, We’ve Got New Ones…

May 10, 2006

 Thanks to Butchie, we’ve got a new blog for AG and Chuckles to get banned from.  This sicko quotes Hitler like it’s a good thing.  Only a sick fuck would do so.  She also knows about public health and is proud to be a homophobe. She deserves whatever she gets from AG and her self inflicted hell.

Also, feel free to stop by Sean-the-Cobag’s new site and tell him AG said, “Maybe if you were playing Red Soxs with Stevie-ass-monkey, you wouldn’t be bothering Chuckles. He’s just not into you the way Stevie is.” Don’t forget to drop by this little pissant too.

Wacked-out Wednesday

May 3, 2006

 

  

While sitting waiting for a 3 hour delayed flight last week, this Yenta sitting across from AG spots her school bag.  Sadly, it identifies the university AG attends.  So, she walks up to AG (apparently staring AG down for some time, unbeknownst to AG).  “Are you a lawyer?”  Feel the warmth of her breathe on AG’s face and say that aloud for the kiddies.  (We’ve got a live one).  Gosh, she’s close. And that fucking Pepto Bismol pink track suit is blinding on the eyes. 

 

“No, I am not.” She baits back with “I can tell by the way you study you are either a doctor or lawyer. You must be a doctor then.  My daughter is a lawyer.”  OK, why the fuck does AG care your daughter is a lawyer?  And Mom has a Ph.D. in how people study?  (We all know what AG thinks of the weak who obtain Ph.D.s – great story for another time: AG turns down Harvard and a Ph.D. from UC Santa Barbara. AG’s mother loves that two of her children have done this “to her”). Apparently AG is destined to live on this earth having her thunder stolen first by the twins, then by boyfriends and now finally by fucking children of fucking people AG doesn’t even know.  WTF?  If you are so god damn proud of your 33-year-old lawyer, who you rattled off the 200 schools she went to and none of them impressed AG by the way, then go fucking sell it to your family.  AG neither cares nor is impressed with you, your goofy looking husband or you pseudo important child. Or better yet, tell your story to a therapist or some underpaid retail clerk.  Leave AG alone.  AG doesn’t give a shit if she’s a lawyer, a Laotian porn star or the bitch who shtupped ‘my’ boy while we were “dating”.  Back away slowly from the AG, lady!

Do you think this much hate can get AG her Ambien so she can finally sleep at night? If not, AG is going on the spoon.  The spoon is the defense mechanism for everyone stealing AG’s thunder that AG wasn’t parading around to begin with. (Remember, thugs stole AG’s bag from her car and she lost the nondescript bag she used to carry coursework in).

 

Windows Vista is constantly degrading me

March 23, 2006

BOB RULZE VISTA DROOLZZ!!@!@!1

Microsoft’s recent announcement of (yet another) delay in the retail roll-out of Windows Vista reminded me that I never wrote anything about my adventures with the Build 5308 beta (or I guess they’re “Community Technology Previews” now) version of Vista. I probably didn’t write about it because you don’t give damn, but whatever.

I am Jack’s total lack of surprise at the most recent delay. I expected 5308 to be more or less finished, but I had severe problems keeping it running (or to be more accurate, keeping applications running on top of it). My laptop eked by the hardware requirements, so I got to play around with the Aero Glass desktop theme. I will say this: It’s beautiful. Really beautiful.

And then I’ll say this: so what? It took 5 years and like a bazillion trillion gillion dollars in development to deliver…translucent edges on the windows?

Also, the much-hyped security improvements look like a train-wreck to me. The OS may in fact be much more secure – I didn’t do any security testing beyond learning that I couldn’t get any antivirus product in the universe to install and operate in a normal manner. What I mean by “train-wreck” is that it asks your permission 98 times before doing any single little task. I mean, when I double-click on an application’s icon, I pretty much figure that’s me giving that application permission to load and run. Vista apparently does not share this assumption. And maybe that’s a good thing, but tell me this: what’s your grandma going to do the first time she clicks on something and Vista pops back with “Running this DLL as an app requires your permission.” No, I’m not kidding. The pop-up message actually said “DLL”. I can’t wait to explain dynamic link libraries to everyone I know, and then watch them glaze over as they realize how sorry they are to have asked.

Another fun thing: the “Control Panel” now has like 74 icons on it. Which is kind of neat, in that the GUI’s will give users more control of their systems. On the other hand, it’s kind of horrible, in that the GUI’s will give users more control of their (soon to be unbootable) systems.

Drivers are a serious problem at this point, but I guess that’s not entirely an indictment of the OS. It is still a beta, after all. That said, I was most displeased with the seizure-inducing screen-flashes that accompanied log-on and log-off. Also, iTunes (which you may have heard of, since one or two people use it) is somehow incompatible with the “desktop compositing” that underlies the new transparency/3-D stuff. That means that when you fire up iTunes, the desktop is dropped from Aero Glass to just plain ol’ sucky poor-people’s Aero. I wouldn’t mind that at all if it were not accompanied by several of those god-awful screen flashes.

I finally got my soundcard to work, but (???) only through the onboard speakers. Vista thought my headphone jack was an audio-in port, so no speakers or headphones for me.

After several days, my biggest disappointment came in the realization of just how little is really new in Vista. There are enough changes “under the hood” that it would be unfair to call it Windows XP SP4 or anything like that, but still…one can’t help but think of all those spiffy things that WERE going to be in Vista, until they got postponed to Windows 2098 or whatever comes next. The de-WinFS-ing of Vista was pretty sad.

Anyway…beyond the UI, I wasn’t very impressed. I mean, if they fix all the problems with it before they release it, it will be pretty spiffy. I might personally upgrade at home. But recommend that my boss spend a fat wad of taxpayer cash for upgrades at the office? I don’t think so. Especially since Windows versions are generally more like a merlot than a Beaujolais Nouveau – they benefit from a few years of aging. To my mind, Windows XP is reaching the point of being a mature, reasonably secure and stable platform that is well-understood by developers and administrators alike. I also suspect that XP fully meets the computing needs of over 80% of Windows users, especially in the business markets. I don’t envision IT shops clamoring to be the first to migrate their organizations to Vista. Many are just now starting to move to XP, and there are still a lot of Windows 2000 desktops out there.

I’m much more interested in the enterprise-level technologies in the works at Microsoft. I think Workflow Foundation is an idea that could go a long way, but that’s another post (that you won’t be interested in either).

So, now that I’ve made a short story long, here’s the creamy climax: on Monday, I reinstalled Windows XP on my laptop. Here’s hoping Microsoft makes good use of the extra time they’ve bought themselves.

P.S. The Windows Vista SideBar can kiss my big white ass. And that’s all I’m saying about that.

If by “groove” you mean “Candy’s tongue in his ass”, then hell yeah!

March 22, 2006

Check out the latest hijinx from CNN anchorhag Candy Crowley.

Feed me, Seymour!

Now with 48% more suck!

March 13, 2006

Wow, this is really awesome! Check it:

Graph depicting the general public loathing for the Republic of Dogs

Oh, and all those views? That’s me, refreshing my browser about a million times a day to see if anyone left a comment. The other 9 Pinko Punko checking to see if I’ve actually posted for once.

Do I really suck this bad? I think I have more Koufax Award nominations than actual daily readers. Maybe I need to go back to making fun of Kos? But that’s too boring to do all the time. He’s no Amber Pawlik. He doesn’t post recipes.
Oh well, at this rate, I can shut down by mid-April and use what I’m currently spending on web-hosting to buy an extra crack rock!

I am totally awesome.

March 2, 2006

Lance Mannion Mar 1st, 2006 at 1:02 pm

Gee, I hate to be a wet blanket here, but I would just like to remind everybody that this is one serious post written by one righteous dude. Good job, res. (My reservations about Dworkin aside.) Another reason Holocaust Denial is illegal over there is that neo-Nazi movements are alive and kicking and neo-Nazis always start out by denying that what they are in fact advocating was ever a part of Nazism.
[emphasis mine. -ed.]