Archive for the ‘It hurts so good’ Category

{i hate moving parts}

August 23, 2006

Hey guys, there’s some orange light flashing on the front of my Dell PowerEdge server. Is that bad?

I think that means it's on fire!

Just kidding. Of course it’s bad!

At 5PM today, I brought our entire network down so I could replace the intermittently faulty UPS that powers my Big Momma file server where all my user’s profiles and documents live. We had already powered the new UPS and situated next to the old one, so it was a simple matter of unplugging the server from the old one and plugging it into the new one 12 inches away.

Unfortunately, when I powered up the server, the cheery, insanely bright blue light that normally shines from the front panel to assure me that all is well (hardware-wise) was gone. In its place, there is now an angry, flashing (and still insanely bright…really, like you can’t look straight into this thing….these LEDs are out of control) orange light. There was also a matching orange light flashing spastically on one of the three SCSI drives in this machine’s RAID 5 array.

I am Jack's total hatred of moving parts.

Feel my hate. And my allergies.
The system booted normally, and gave me a message to the effect that one of the drives has failed.

So. It’s two hours later. I’m sitting here staring at the PERC configuration utility as it attempts to reconstruct the array.

Now I'm at 19%! Only 2 hours later!

This is taking for fucking ever.

Can someone tell me why computers still have moving parts? With MOTORS?? In the freaking year 2006?!?

Res Publica's World Domination Headquarters

Also, just FYI, don’t buy anything from TrippLite. They shipped us a replacement UPS right away, but neglected to mention that we will have to pay the shipping costs to return the defective unit. I have a couple of problems with this. On principle, it seems unfair to make us pay for shipping to return a defective product. Also, I’m pretty sure it won’t be cheap to ship. If you’ve never worked with an uninterruptible power supply, it’s basically a steel box full of batteries. There’s some lights and wires and shit in there too, but the point is that it’s heavy, as one would expect a steel box full of batteries to be.

My assistant had a nice long phone-fight with a customer service supervisor at TrippLite this afternoon, wherein said supervisor told my assistant that he didn’t “give a fuck” if we think we should have to pay the shipping or not.

What’s wrong with people in this country? When did everyone become such a knob?

Anyway…I’m going to go back to staring at the screen. I’m up to 20%!


A New Meaning for ‘Fanilow’

July 28, 2006


I really don’t miss living down the street from Tony Micelli and Sacred Heart!

festoon your rotting carcass with the republic of dogs!

July 8, 2006

Your President commands to proceed forthwith to the Official Clothier, Haberdasher and Gift Shop of Ye Olde Republik of Dogges and purchase numerous costly items!

your new hat!

It's only 16 payments of $19.95!

now with built-in nipples!

How AG won the Prize:

June 24, 2006


So AG was not going to participate in Pinko Punko’s Circus of Antics Contest®. A box of Take 5s and some iTunes didn’t seem worth the effort this summer given how busy AG has become. Then it happened. What, you ask. Well, even if Chuckles jumped the fence at the White House wearing nothing but, “Eat it Cobagz!” on his buttocks, he wouldn’t win. Ok, maybe he would win with that provided he gets arrested for it too.

At 7:30 AM yesterday, a certain airline (names witheld to protect the innocent) departed Houston for Boston. While getting on the plane, AG looked over the first class passengers. Sometimes AG sits in first class on an elite upgrade, though rarely in Houston – too many other elite travelers to compete with. While staring down the lucky winners, AG spots her. Yes, Ms. 1D!

Who is it that catches AG smiling in an attempt to confirm the power of the hawk eye? Barbara Bush! AG waits about 20 minutes and heads to the bathroom while the seat belt sign is still on. You know, while nobody else is around. AG had already started greasing the cute flight attendant when she first got on the plane. (Always think to self — flirting may result in free drinks in coach). AG is in the galley working her charisma when she says, “OK, I gotta know. Is 1D who I think it is?” A nod confirms.

AG waits until drink service and retains her napkin. It gives it a bit more pizzazz than just some plain sheet of paper.

On the back AG writes:

Dearest Babs,

Your sons are the biggest cobags in the world and thank you for raising such bastards! You are Emu-in-Chief. 01-20-2009 cannot come fast enough!



P.S. Some Smithies raised men who know what it means to be a woman and have a choice. (Go to Williams next time. They accept sell-outs.) (Insider joke that a few of you understand about AG).

AG goes back and works the flight attendant again. He agrees that he’ll slip it in her bag. He confirmed she’ll see it because he has access to her travel documents. SCORE! With that, Babs got off the plane, waited for the parties she was with, including “the help” that sat in the seat next to AG. She was escorted out of the building though departures on AG’s tax dollars by the Massachuestts State Police.

While we’ll never know her response, consider her still AG served!

Pshaw: Blue Girl Rocks Like Cleveland

June 5, 2006


Our dear pals Lance Mannion, along with Fish, totally called out the post by John J. Cobag Miller, on conservative music last week.  We got letters and letters from across the globe on how such a cobag could say things like Madonna’s, Papa Don’t Preach, is a conservative song.  Chuckles discusses this today for us because we are still too busy opening the letters looking for money or gift cards. (Who cares about people’s problems, we want the cash!)

However, while visiting, Brando, we were tipped off that Blue Girl not only rocks like Cleveland, she parties like a rock star too!  Rumor has it that BG got a comment by the one and only, Mr. Who himself — Pete Townshend.  As did Sir Lancelot.

Now we heart Blue over here at RoD. She was the winner of the Holiday Bake-off 2005 and will be defending her title again this year.  She is the mother of Blue Child, an aspiring poet, who wanted to ditch school and the 8th grade Olympics Day.  Blue mom laid it down for him by telling him no way, buster and to turn his conservative music off and get to bed.  An avid gardener, she is also married to Blue Man, who is quite the chicken commercial producer, as rumor has it.  So, the creditability seems plausible.  Yet, Blue, can you confirm though for the readers once and for all, that really was Pete? We’d like to be the first to break this to the bloggersphere.

 *We are linky loving to the max in honor of Blue Girl!

{new friends!}

May 26, 2006

Go check out our newest blogrollee, The Brutal Truth.  I first came across TBT on ARAVOSISblog, where his post entitled “Bourgeois Pig” is listed under the “Nothing But a Bunch of Big Girls” blogroll-of-the-damned.  I trust everyone understands that I will pretty much link on anything that says “Bourgeois Pig”?  In that post, he replies to John Aravosis’ request that everyone doesn’t agree with him about everything just go away because we’re distressing the orchids and upsetting his cats and don’t we know he’s fucking important, already??!? with the following:

Blow it out your Georgetown ass! Nobody tells me what website or blog I can visit. Not the NSA, not Charter, not AT&T, not Verizon, not Comcast, not Sen. Shithead, not Rep. Bonehead, not President Lunkhead, and most certainly of all not YOU, you shirt-shilling fuckhead. Last time I checked, you haven’t come over here to TBT, busted out with your goddamned bankcard, clicked the Pay-Pal link under my picture, and greased my wheels.

At that moment, Dear Reader, I decided that the author of TBT is my new best friend!  I want him to hang out with me and talk like that to people I hate, while die of laughter!  I actually blew a carbonated beverage out of my nose when I read “you shirt-shilling fuckhead”, and that sort of hurt.  Anyway, I started poking around, and he’s running a really neat blog with some substantial writing (which is more than you can say for this dump, really).  So go check him out, and tell him Res Publica sent you.

Enjoy the long weekend, loyal subjects, and try not to fuck up Blue Girl’s house too much at the party.

The razor’s edge

May 23, 2006

Wired has published all of the documents related to AT&T’s complicity with the NSA’s domestic surveillance program. Including pictures of the secret rooms that AT&T built in their major switching centers for use by the NSA.

Go here to read their story and here to have a look at the goods.

I wish I had something really brilliant or trenchant to say about this, but the truth is that the current threat to our liberty is neither subtle nor complex.  The federal government is arrogating all authority to its own Executive.  The founders had a word for this, and that word was “tyranny”.

Anyone who completed their required reading in high school could have — with just a little imagination — seen this moment coming in 2001 and 2002.   When the “Patriot Act” passed into law and the “Department of Homeland Security” was established, the trajectory was thunderingly, unironically obvious.  The proponents of the Security State were all but saying “we’re laying the ground for a totalitarian state!”, and our corrupt and incompetent legislators licked it up and asked for more.  What’s more, our media have treated our national political life like a particularly exciting cocktail soiree since before 2000, and their abdication of their responsibilities went a long way toward making all of this possible.  What does it say about the intellectual quality of our national press corps that it takes The Buffalo Beast to put together all the obvious pieces and put out an editorial like this:

One saving grace of alternative media in this age of unfettered corporate conglomeration has been the internet. While the masses are spoon-fed predigested news on TV and in mainstream print publications, the truth-seeking individual still has access to a broad array of investigative reporting and political opinion via the world-wide web. Of course, it was only a matter of time before the government moved to patch up this crack in the sky. Attempts to regulate and filter internet content are intensifying lately, coming both from telecommunications corporations (who are gearing up to pass legislation transferring ownership and regulation of the internet to themselves), and the Pentagon (which issued an “Information Operations Roadmap” in 2003, signed by Donald Rumsfeld, which outlines tactics such as network attacks and acknowledges, without suggesting a remedy, that US propaganda planted in other countries has easily found its way to Americans via the internet). One obvious tactic clearing the way for stifling regulation of internet content is the growing media frenzy over child pornography and “internet predators,” which will surely lead to legislation that by far exceeds in its purview what is needed to fight such threats.

Go read the rest of the “Top Ten Signs Of The Impending U.S. Police State”.

What will we do?  What is it even possible to do?  I have often wondered if the state’s monopoly on force has not become so total and so sophisticated that if it ever came down to it and the people actually wanted a different government, could we make the present government concede to the popular will?  Are there still historical alternatives, or is the future now bound to an ever-amplifying loop of the status quo?

Sicky McGermypants

March 29, 2006

Totally me

Your glorious President and Supreme Dictator for Life is sick as a dog,  and may not post anything today or most of tomorrow.  I’ll be fine, but will need some rest.  I’ll be back soon, so you might want to stock up on duct tape and canned tuna.  That is all.  Return to your normal lives!  Nothing to see here!  Move along!

Songy McVideopants

March 18, 2006

Guess what the World’s Best Boyfriend got the world’s best President of the Republic of Dogs for his birthday!?!

I’ll tell you later. Right now I have to go do this dance for a while:

now I can be a faceless cutout like the rest of you!

Well….okay. In my case, it’s more like this dance:

GOD I'm fucking AWESOME!!

But whatever. I can now carry all my porn in my pocket.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, World’s Best Boyfriend deserves some “quality time”.

Any by “quality time”, I mean “oral sex”.

Sweet dreams!

A new addition to our horrible little family!

March 15, 2006

Please note the addition of a new link to catagory A of the blogroll to your right.  To be honest, I’ve barely looked at this blog, but let’s get real.  Anyone who pays to register the domain name “” is someone who will fit right in here at the Republic.  Welcome, fellow disgruntled homosexual!