Archive for the ‘Kick me in the WordPressticles!’ Category

It’s Getting Pathetic

August 8, 2006


Is it a full moon this week? Emu mating season, bootylicious month or some other fakakta holiday? AG is on a business trip this week, as will be most of the case this month — you kids are in for a treat later in the month — and staying in a hotel. Whenever staying in a hotel, AG tries to hit the exercise room. AG is making a concerted effort to lose weight and workout. AG’s never has a hard time with either, once the decision is made. A certain someone knows when he jumped the shark and made it clear that not only was the decision made, but AG is going to rub every BP reading is his face because of what he said that fateful morning. At the very least, it should make her marketable in case she has to kick said person to the curb for being a cobag or she gets sweeped off her feet by Dr. Sol, (a real Jewish doctor) her not so secret lover. Yes, AG loves the Italian inside of her that kicks ass and takes names in the face of a pseudo challenge that is brought on in one’s own head. It’s a game that AG and Parker Lewis never lose. (Insert image of AG breaking a bread stick with her forehead.)

After an evening of work e-mails and shopping, AG schleps to the gym. There is a middle age man on the stationary bike and Fox News. Great, a simpleton watching Fox News. Hope he doesn’t have some sort of ischemic event. AG is not seeing patients tonight, especially the Fox watching type. AG already has her iPod on is G to G. AG doesn’t even look at him. About five minutes into the workout, catch him talking to AG out of the corner of my eye. Guess he doesn’t understand one cannot hear with an iPod. (Ya know, his kids probably have one so he should know this.) AG pushs pause and he says, “Which is better, this machine or that one?” What am I? Richard effin’ Simmons? AG replies, “Not sure. I don’t like to bike indoors, so I always run instead.” He continues talking as AG straps back on the iPod. Afterall, he’s not AG’s hot fitness instructor or anything useful and AG already has an adorable boyfriend.

He’s kind of lurking around while AG has her run and cool down. At one point he’s clearly trying to push his limits on the bike. It’s unclear why. Another guy comes in and the first guy has a deflated look. Again AG is baffled given it’s another middle aged guy except this one is a muscle head. Either way, AG has a cute boy flying home from California tonight. Whatever is on the mind as AG goes back to looking at herself in the mirror because afterall, it is AG. Muscle head leaves and the other one is pacing in front of the door. Even Stevie Wonder can now see what’s going on here. It’s always extra weird when it happens in a hotel because there is a sexual innuendo because it’s one big sleep over, afterall. This theory was tested and proven in Baltimore a few years ago with the elevator PJ incident that will never happen again or be shared.

This is #3 (#2 isn’t worthy of your time) in two days. Is AG some sort of Carrie Bradshaw now with the older men? For whatever reason, older men have always been the suitors of AG. AG doesn’t need another daddy. When AG broke up with Jerkwad-the-asspirate-stalker (JAS), AG vowed to never date again out of her generation and as always, never younger. Is that too hard for the rest of the world to understand? Geesh.


Israel’s Take on Things

August 1, 2006

The Medical Director at work who lives in Israel sent this to me today. It’s worth spending a few minutes to listen. The end is interesting.

Superman Returns or Why I Hate WordPress

June 29, 2006

Well, FUCK.

I apparently screwed up something last night.  I was trying to make the text white so that I wouldn’t ruin it for anyone, only that didn’t work because WordPress wouldn’t let me edit the html or click a button to change the font.  Then I thought I’d click on the split post button, only apparently that didn’t work either.  So instead, I’m just going to put a bunch of space in.

There are spoilers below if I can get this !#%$^%$#@ right this time.

I wasn’t impressed. (Warning: Lots of major spoilers!!)

Updated: I got the split-post thing to work.  Go me!


Fridge Note for Robola:

June 29, 2006


AG cannot seem to get onto your blog. Tried signing into WordPress without any luck. Didn’t see an e-mail for you. What’s up with that? Are you throwing Take-5s or Snickers AG’s way?

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One…

March 16, 2006


A native walks into a bar in Dublin.  He sees a beautiful  blonde American girl. Bashful but looking and liking, he approaches the woman.  He politely asks her, “Pardon me, are you Irish?”  Wanting to show Ireland’s finest that Americans are nice people, she replies with glee, “Why yes, I am.”  To which he responds, “How would you like a wee bit more in you tonight?”

Happy Get Drunk and Sing with Irish Boys Named Mike or Steve from Long Island Day!

A new addition to our horrible little family!

March 15, 2006

Please note the addition of a new link to catagory A of the blogroll to your right.  To be honest, I’ve barely looked at this blog, but let’s get real.  Anyone who pays to register the domain name “” is someone who will fit right in here at the Republic.  Welcome, fellow disgruntled homosexual!

Now with 48% more suck!

March 13, 2006

Wow, this is really awesome! Check it:

Graph depicting the general public loathing for the Republic of Dogs

Oh, and all those views? That’s me, refreshing my browser about a million times a day to see if anyone left a comment. The other 9 Pinko Punko checking to see if I’ve actually posted for once.

Do I really suck this bad? I think I have more Koufax Award nominations than actual daily readers. Maybe I need to go back to making fun of Kos? But that’s too boring to do all the time. He’s no Amber Pawlik. He doesn’t post recipes.
Oh well, at this rate, I can shut down by mid-April and use what I’m currently spending on web-hosting to buy an extra crack rock!


March 12, 2006

A.  Go to the Koufax awards site (wherever that is) and vote for me.  The Republic was nominated in the “Best New Blog” category, which must make this Opposite Day or something, what whatevs.  You’re already reading this, so why not do something else that’s stupid?

B.  Speaking of stupid, can anyone esplain to my dumb ass how one actually goes about casting a vote in this “Koufax” election?  Thanks in advance for your prompt (and minimally condescending) assistance!